


Love Lost, Love Found

by JudyOct98



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 13:56:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20228977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JudyOct98/pseuds/JudyOct98
Summary: Events that take place before, during and after "Unimatrix Zero" and filling in the blanks that the writers left us.





	Love Lost, Love Found

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first J/C story I wrote while the show was on the air in the beginning of 7th season.

Rating: Some adult, mostly PG 

Love Lost, Love Found  
By J.A. Greene

First Officer's Personal Log Stardate 53915.22 

I just got finished with my duty shift and hearing the news that Kathryn wants to infiltrate a Borg cube after Seven's discovery of their haven, Unimatrix Zero. This haven is supposedly a place where drones regenerating can become individuals again. 

Chakotay sighed sitting back in his armchair, the stars skimming by his viewport as the ship headed towards its destination. A heavily armed Borg tactical cube, where the virus would be deployed. 

He continued, "I know she wants to help these drones, but I can't help but feel concerned for the danger she is putting herself, Tuvok and B'Elanna in. At least I convinced her to take them, she’s as stubborn as beautiful. I'm worried I'll never see her again, but I told her she has my support, as much as I object to this whole mission. My Kathryn -" he stopped with a deep sigh in thought. "Since New Earth we have remained close friends, but not as close as I hoped, her sense of duty and protocol have kept us from having the one relationship we both have wanted for years. 

"But I'll be there for her during this mission, both during and after, playing my part, by protecting the ship, acting command and getting them out of there at the appointed time. If she makes it back, if she does, I intend to..." and he stopped thinking. Then added, "make her see the light.” He paused, "end log." 

He sat quietly for a moment, debating whether or not to go see her. He knew she was still working in her quarters or ready room, making final preparations for the away mission, in case plans didn't go accordingly. 

He groaned, this was driving him crazy, he needed to be with her, and he knew she felt the same. 

Then his comm unit beeped, "Janeway to Chakotay." 

He sat for a moment, and then sighed, "Chakotay here." 

"Report to my ready room, commander," she said, all business. 

He stood up, "on my way," and walked out. 

=/\=

Kathryn Janeway stood in front of her viewports in the ready room waiting for Chakotay. 

She knew he wasn't happy she was doing this, but was standing by her decision. As he has always done, she needed him to be there, when she would be on the cube, it would be reassuring he was there, waiting for her. 

She sighed, in the past hour since Alpha shift ended, the doctor had come up with a solution in case they were assimilated. 

She closed her eyes to the word, feeling the fear creep up her spine to her throat as it tightened. She shook her head, fighting it down, had to. She exhaled loudly, focusing on the upcoming discussion. She couldn't let him see her this way, he was worried enough. 

Then her chime rang, gathering her strength she said, "come." The doors slid open, she saw his reflection in the glass. She had all she could do not to cry. 

Never let him see you cry Kathryn, she told herself. New Earth was enough! 

She lifted her chin, "come in, commander." 

"You wanted to see me?" he asked. 

She nodded turning to him, "I wanted to advise you of some new developments for the mission." He stepped up to her with a nod, his expression blank. "Please sit Chakotay," he did, and then she did near him. After a moment said, "the doctor has devised away to prevent full assimilation." 

"And that is?" he asked. 

"He'll inject a special neural suppressant," she replied. "Shortly before we leave. Seven helped him devise this so the implants will be easier to remove-" 

"-You sound like that's what will happen," he said. 

She stared at him for a moment, and then sighed, "it might." Before he could continue, she did while leaning slightly towards him crossing her legs. "Chakotay we have to be prepared-" 

"-Kathryn," he said firmly, "what your doing is admirable. I know your going to do this no matter what I say-" 

"-Then don't," she said stiffly, her voice clipped. "I'm entrusting you to take care of my ship and crew. We've been up against the Borg before and we've always fought back. Granted this is risky, but I have no choice-" 

That's when he lost it, "-damnit Kathryn, yes you do have a choice! You've always had a choice," she sat staring at him, he calmed. He sighed, "I'm no good to you like this," he stood up. "I understand everything you've told me and you can trust me to take care of things." 

He was leaving and she realized he was more upset then he led on. She stood up, "Chakotay," she said softly, he stopped, but didn't turn around. She held her hands, and then put them behind her back. "Would you like to join me for dinner?" 

He stood there, shocked that he could be so easily swayed by her sometimes. Putting his hands on his hips, he slightly turned to her with a slight nod. "Dinner sounds good." 

Kathryn smiled gently and walked over beside him, "my place or the messhall?" 

"Yours?" he said hesitantly. 

"You want to taste my cooking again?" she asked teasing. 

He grinned, "it's not...too bad-“ 

She nudged him, "-come on. I think leaving the bridge in Harry's hands for a few hours will be okay." 

"Then I'll take over," he said.

She nodded and they walked out towards the lift. "Report Mr. Kim," she said as they walked out. 

"Sensors remain clear ma'am," he said standing up from her chair. "No transwarp signatures detected." 

She nodded glancing around, "good, contact the commander and I if any change occurs." 

Kim nodded, "yes ma'am," she noticed the way he stared at her. He was still shaken up by the Queen's referral to him. 

She reached out gently stroking his arm, "everything will be okay, Harry." 

He nodded again, "yes ma'am." 

"We'll be having dinner," she told him, letting him go. They walked off the command platform and up to the upper level past Tuvok's station and replacement. They entered the lift, "was it my imagination or did Harry look a little spooked?" 

Chakotay nodded, "l would be to after that visit." 

She glanced at him as the lift doors closed, "you?" Then told the computer, "crew quarters," and the lift sank. "I find that hard to believe." The lift slowed to a halt, then the doors opened and they walked out. "So what would you like?" she asked as they neared her quarters. 

Chakotay felt his heartbeat quicken as he followed her. They had dinner in her quarters once a week for the past several years. But tonight was different, they weren't discussing crew reports or weekly details. That's when he noticed the scent of her hair. 

"It doesn't matter to me," he replied as she keyed in her code at the doors and they slid open. She shrugged as they entered, "computer, lights," and the living area lit up. She unzipped her uniform top, "make yourself comfortable, this'll take a few minutes."

He sat down on her sofa watching her program up a meal and set the table. Before he knew it, she was setting out the meal, "vegetable lasagna?" she asked him glancing over. 

"Fine," he said and stood up. "Would you like some help?" 

"You can serve the salad," she suggested, he shrugged taking her silver tongs and put some of the garden salad in the small bowls beside their plates. Then she turned placing the serving platter between settings. She lit the candles, he sat down and then she appeared with a coffee carafe and poured his half full and hers full. She sat down after removing her jacket. "Eat while it's hot," she said. 

He nodded and gave them each their servings, she stared at him. The last thing she wanted was a silent meal. 

"Chakotay," she said finally, "what's wrong?" 

He shook his head, playing with his food. There was too much tension throughout the ship and he couldn't eat, when he knew he should. The next few days would be unpredictable and hectic. 

"I'm worried," he said finally. 

"About what?" she asked. 

He watched her eat, wondering how could she? Then thought, it's like her last meal! 

He sighed, "you. It's you I'm worried about, the mission failing and I'll never see you again. The queen will get what she wants from you, your body and soul." 

Kathryn felt her throat tighten, touched by his admission, she swallowed to clear it. Tonight she wanted his company, not final declarations. She said firmly, "I'll be fine," he still wasn't convinced. Absently she reached across the table touching his hand next to his untouched food. "Chakotay I'll be fine." 

He stared at her, her touch sent shivers of desire through him, they always did. Before she could react, he took her hand in his gently. "Kathryn I don't want you to go." 

She stared at him, the love and concern seen deep in his eyes. She wanted to respond to his love, but it scared her. Although he was the only person on board within her status to have a relationship with, but not to as well. 

She had to keep her priorities straight, to get through these next few days. Then she pulled away and stood up walking over to the port windows. "You’re overstepping your bounds...Chakotay. Please, remain where we have set the boundary. I need your support right now, I need to know you'll always be there." 

He stood up and walked up behind her, not touching her, but close enough that they could feel the heat radiating from their bodies. "Aren't you afraid of what you're about to do Kathryn?" 

That did it, she felt the tears well up in her eyes, no matter how much she tried fighting it, and they managed to slide down her face. She sighed, wiping them away and said, her voice catching, "of coarse...I am." Then he put his hands gently on her shoulders, "take care of my ship-" 

"You know I will," he slid softly. She nodded and turned facing him, her eyes wet with tears. He reached out stroking a stray one away, her blue eyes staring up at him. "Just be careful, I want you back here, whole and...as beautiful as you are right now." 

Kathryn unconsciously reached up taking his face in her hands. "Chakotay-" she whispered. 

He took her hand and kissed the inside of her left wrist, where the Doctor had already injected her vitals transmitter. She let him, closing her eyes, his mouth warm against her skin. "I love you Kathryn," he whispered. 

She opened her eyes, "Chakotay don't-"

Then he took her face in his hands, his fingers touching her mouth quieting her. He nodded, "I don't care how much you protest, but I want you going on this mission knowing that I love you Kathryn Janeway. I always have and I want you to keep that in your heart." 

He paused for a moment, and then continued, "since we left New Earth, you set the parameters to our relationship and I accepted it. But I wish we never left, things would have been different, and I think you know that." 

She whispered, "I've wished the same things sometimes-" 

"-Kathryn-" he said her name so softly her heart melted. 

"-But you know it wasn't possible," she continued. 

He nodded, "yes it is, more than you think. Kathryn if you can just learn to shed your captaincy when your alone with me and open your heart. I promise to make your life more fulfilling than it ever has."

She took his hands in hers stepping closer to him, "perhaps if I survive-this is more difficult that you can know."

He smiled gently, "I'm patient, but I think you already know that." Then he did as he planned to do, he tenderly kissed her, drawing her up against his body. 

Her first reaction was to pull away at the feel of his mouth on hers, he was gentle, but insistent. Instead she just stood there, soon she just gave in and pressed her mouth up against his with a small sigh by sliding her arms around his waist as they stood in each others arms, the unknown waiting for them one sector away. 

She was kissing him, she couldn't believe she was standing in the arms of her handsome first officer. Not since New Earth had he held her and that was during the unpredictable plasma storm that destroyed all her findings. 

He kissed her face, eyes, mouth and behind her ears, the desire burned between them. But it couldn't happen, not now. She gasped holding him, she moaned, "Chak-otay we can't! Not now." 

"Kathryn," he whispered, "I want to be with you-" 

She shook her head pulling gently away, "-not tonight. Please there's so much left to do and you have to relieve Harry." 

"Can I hold you?" he asked her, "until it's time for me to leave?" 

"You’re not hungry?" 

He shook his head, "I'm too...wound up." 

She shrugged, "okay," and then sat on the sofa. "Perhaps this will help both of us." He sank down next to her, she leaned against him, and he wrapped his arms around her as she put her head on his shoulder. 

The next two hours, they sat talking about the crew and other happenings over the past seven years since being stranded in the Delta Quadrant. When it was time for him to leave, she walked him to the door, he kissed her goodnight and left. 

Kathryn turned away locking the door, still feeling his mouth on hers. She touched it, and her attention was diverted to the dinner plates. So she picked it all up, put it back in the replicator to be reused. Before retiring for the night, she decided to take one last tour of the ship before the mission began, to remember how quiet it was at night, yet still feeling the tension in the air. She visited the messhall, astrometrics since Seven, Icheb and the kids was regenerating, various corridors, sickbay. Right before retiring for the evening, she entered her ready room from the corridor access entryway from deck two. She stood in front of her port windows in the dark gazing out at the stars. Chakotay was less than 200 feet from her, but she didn't want him to know she was there. She needed to gather her thoughts. After about twenty minutes she left quiet as she came and visited Seven in the cargo bay. She watched her regenerate with the rest of the Borg children. She left a few minutes later, so she wouldn't wake them and returned to her quarters. 

Much later, she lay in bed after a shower trying to find sleep. She watched the stars slip by the window knowing he was still on the bridge, conducting last minute preparations for the mission. 

But she couldn't sleep, her body yearned for his touch. She groaned sitting up and brushing her hair out of her face. "Get a grip Kathryn," she muttered. She vowed to never let his touch do this to her, but it did. Forcing the feeling out of her mind, she sank back to the bed closing her eyes, willing sleep to come. It did, just a few short hours before they would leave for the cube. 

Captain's Log Stardate 53915.23 

Today is the day we beam over to a Borg tactical cube to release the nanovirus, Axum, Seven's friend from Unimatrix Zero has provided us. This nanovirus is designed to allow the drones to keep their individuality after leaving. Myself, Tuvok and B'Elanna will be taking the Delta Flyer to get close to the cube, while Voyager stays right near as a distraction. 

I know the ship will be damaged, but I've entrusted everything to Commander Chakotay to keep her intact. 

Assimilation is possible on this mission, but our trusty EMH and Seven have devised a wonderful neural suppressant that we'll carry within our bodies so we can keep our individuality and to safely remove the implants. 

Kathryn stopped and glanced out her ready room window. Her heart was beating rapidly, but she forced herself to stay calm. She turned off the recorder with a sigh resting her head back. 

Chakotay was back on the bridge after three hours rest. She knew there was a chance he wouldn't sleep much these next few days. 

Then her comm unit beeped, "sickbay to Janeway.” 

"Janeway here," she said. 

"It's time Captain," the Doctor said. 

"Commander Tuvok and I," she replied, "will be right down. Janeway out," and she stood up walking out of the ready room and stepped up to Tuvok's station. "We're wanted in sickbay." 

He nodded, "yes, the Doctor alerted me." 

She turned, "Commander Chakotay," he stood up, their eyes met. "Tuvok and I will be sickbay for about a half hour-" 

He nodded, "-yes captain. Mr. Paris is already down preparing the Delta Flyer with B'Elanna." 

She nodded, "okay. I'll be right back," and then she and Tuvok exited the bridge. 

=/\=

As soon as the neural suppressant was injected in both Kathryn and Tuvok -B'Elanna was already set an hour before -both headed back to the bridge in silence. The tension could be felt throughout the ship, Tuvok was mentally prepared, she could tell by the look on his face. She was trying to remain focused as well and it seemed the trip in the lift back to the bridge was taking forever. 

It came to a halt and the doors slid open, both walked out. Tuvok took his station, but didn't relieve his replacement. She stepped down to the command platform slowly, gazing around.

“Report,” she asked walking up to the center. 

"Shields are at maximum," Kim replied, "and programmed for a rotating modulation. And there have been no signs of any transwarp signatures." 

She nodded and sank down with a sigh into her chair, she caught Chakotay glancing over at her. She sighed leaning back, resting her head against the soft cushion. A moment later Harry said, "the tactical cube is on sensors." 

"Time?" she asked, trying to keep the edge out of her voice. 

"Twenty minutes," he replied. 

Then she looked at Chakotay, he smiled at her gently and she relaxed, his presence always did that to her. She exhaled quietly, and then said, "Janeway to Paris." 

"Yes, ma'am," he said over the comm. 

"Twenty minutes," she told him. 

"Almost ready," he replied, "I'll let you know. Paris out." 

Chakotay stared at her while monitoring ship's functions on the command display console between them. She was nervous, he could tell, but she was also remaining calm and that helped him. 

Before they knew it, B'Elanna was calling, "Torres to bridge. It's time Captain." 

Kathryn rolled her head back with a sigh and looked at Chakotay, and then she reached her hand out across to him. He was surprised to see her do so, he took it gently. "I guess this is it.” He nodded, squeezing her hand gently. "I should get going." 

"Anything you want done," he asked trying to keep his voice light. "While you’re gone? Gravity plating recalibrated? Carpet's cleaned?" 

Her face was serious as he ever saw it, "take care of my ship." 

"You know I will," he said. 

Then they stood up, she was still holding on, she was scared. She had every right to be. He soaked in her beautiful face and eyes, her hair was so perfect. He wanted to remember this. "You have the bridge," she told him, he knew how difficult that was for her. Then she let go, walking away and up to Tuvok who relinquished his station to his replacement and they left the bridge. 

As soon as the flyer left the shuttlebay for its discreet distance, he had Paris move in and begin attacking the cube, which fought back. The ship rolled and steadied with Paris' expert handling of the inertial dampners. Then the Doctor reported them aboard the cube, the next strike hit, blowing out conduits on the bridge, the ship shook around them. He clung to Ops listening to Harry's status reports. 

Not yet, he told himself, give them enough time. 

The flyer was destroyed, as the ship kept taking phaser fire. When he heard the Doctor report their lifesigns destabilize, he knew it happened. He hated the thought of it, but he had no choice. Then he ordered the ship away, the Doctor was keeping an eye on their vitals. 

"Tom you have the bridge," he said. “I'll be in astrometrics with Seven." 

“Aye sir," he replied as Chakotay left. 

=/\=

The pain was the first thing she recalled when recovering consciousness. Something felt different, her whole body did. She reached up touching her head feeling an implant bolted to her skull, no hair left. She wanted to scream, this wasn't supposed to happen, but it was possible, she knew this. 

Breath, she told herself looking around with her new Borg-enhanced vision. 

Drones moved around her, she was in an alcove, they were still working on her. She couldn't move, the implants weren't activated yet. A drone approached with a tube and tool. She stood there as it was placed on the side of her skull and inserted into her head, then lit up. She felt the implants react and she stepped down from the alcove, her movements mechanical. 

That's when she realized she couldn't hear the collective, she was still an individual. At least the suppressant was working. But she heard the Queen's instructions to her, as if it were a three-way call and she was listening in. She complied, walking to the console outside the plexus. Could she have been any luckier? 

She wondered where Tuvok and B'Elanna were and how they were doing. 

Minutes passed as she worked, then she heard footsteps approaching. Most likely more drones assigned to work with her. She felt panic creeping up in her throat and forced herself to remain calm, they hadn't completed the mission. Suddenly a hand reached out to touch her, she gasped pulling away in defense, and then turned to see Tuvok and B'Elanna. 

They worked quickly to get into the plexus, which wasn't impossible with B'Elanna's engineering capabilities. Tuvok worried her, the suppressant was wearing off, too soon. Something was wrong. She wanted them back on the ship before it happened. 

But it was too late. Soon as the nanovirus was downloaded, Tuvok had succumbed and told the Queen where they were. She tried to run, but Tuvok, with his new Borg strength and another drone dragged her away from B'Elanna and put her in an alcove and a forcefield turned on around her. She felt the scan begin, searching for her human cells. 

Soon as the Doctor reported Tuvok's signs destabilizing, Chakotay knew they were in trouble. Then the cube attacked, its phasers ripping through the ship's shields like tissue paper. The ship rolled and alarms wailed, then all their lifesigns were gone. Kathryn was gone, his Kathryn. 

"Get us out!" he ordered Tom. "Back off!" 

"What about the away team?" Tom asked worried. 

"They have our access codes," he told him and Tom did as told getting the ship out of danger. 

Now the warp core, sensors and main power was offline. They cruised on impulse as the damage reports came in. It wasn't good, they were defenseless, he had to get the shields up to full power, warp, everything. They were working in the dark, except for the little light coming from the control boards. 

He had the access codes changed immediately. 

Neelix came up to the bridge to help, and then the power came back with the warp core and sensors. They stood a chance now. 

We're coming Kathryn, he said to her, hold on.

=/\=

She was sick and angry. The Queen tried to get the nanovirus information from her, she wouldn't tell. The dead drone before her holo-image in the Queen's chambers made her so angry and sick. Now the Queen was destroying cubes with the silent voices, the blame was all hers now. 

Chakotay, she said thinking of him as this was happening. This had to end before more drones were killed, she couldn't be responsible for anymore deaths. 

"You will contact your ship with the plan," the Queen told her. 

Kathryn stared at her, the black opal eyes showing no emotion. No nothing. "That's not a deal. You can't stop the resistance." 

"I will," she told her and introduced her version of the nanovirus. Kathryn's throat tightened, she had to do something. But she kept her mind clear, since the Queen could hear her thoughts. "Comply," she was told firmly.

Kathryn nodded. 

=/\=

Chakotay took a few quiet minutes in the ready room. Repairs were almost complete and they'd be able to go find the away team. He stood looking out the viewports. He closed his eyes feeling her presence in the room, smelling the light scent of her perfume. 

Then he sighed rubbing his eyes, he was tired. But he was determined he wouldn't sleep until they were all back. 

He heard the comm beep, "Commander Chakotay to the bridge-" 

He then opened his eyes, "coming," and walked out. 

Shortly later their subspace comm system was being activated with the holo-system. The lights flickered until the Doctor told him and Seven to come to sickbay, he knew it wasn't good. 

What he saw disturbed him greatly. His Kathryn stood as a hologram in sickbay. The transmission flickered, and then went solid. He had all he could do not to reach out to hold her, comfort her in what she was going through at that moment. 

So he held his own and listened to her orders coded in the message she was giving him and Seven about abandoning Unimatrix Zero for good. It was the only way. 

He nodded acknowledging the message and then her image flicked again and winked out. Then he went to work, they had little time left. The frequency was then disrupted, Seven went to her alcove to see Axum one more time. 

=/\=

Kathryn felt a surge of victory when the Queen saw Unimatrix Zero start destabilizing. Her message got through, he understood. 

Chakotay, she thought, how I miss you. 

The Queen was angry, she wanted the nanovirus released. Kathryn told her it was too late, no one left to infect. Then before she knew it, the Queen outstretched her hand to touch her and stopped. Kathryn didn't flinch, except stare at the Queen hard.

=/\=

When the Borg sphere appeared to help out the fight, the ship had found the tactical cube. The battle had begun, he had Harry track for the away teams lifesigns. 

His heart skipped a beat when he saw the cube start to explode. Harry had their biosignatures and started to transport at the same time he ordered it. Just then the transporter room told him the away team was on board, a full medical team with the Doctor was there.

"Get us out of here Tom!" he ordered as Paris nodded and brought the ship to warp. He breathed a sigh of relief, and then said, "you have the bridge Tom. I'll be down in the transporter room." 

Then Tom turned to him, "sir? About B'Elanna-?" 

Chakotay smiled gently at him, "-soon as everything is okay, you can see her." 

Tom nodded, "thank you." And he watched Chakotay exit the bridge. 

When Chakotay arrived down in the transporter room, what he saw shocked him. He saw Seven's Borg features and that didn't bother him. But to see Tuvok, B'Elanna and Kathryn's implants. Both Kathryn and B'Ella were beautiful women, now that was all erased by technology implanted throughout their bodies. 

Tuvok was unconscious and he determined the most serious. The Doctor had ordered a gurney brought to the transporter room. He was hovering over him with a tricorder and stabilizing him with the help of Ensign Wildman. Two others were assisting Kathryn and B'Elanna who were sitting down on the transporter steps. 

He immediately walked over to Kathryn, "I'll take it from here crewman." She nodded and moved away, he sank down next to her. "You okay?" he asked her quietly and gently. 

She looked at him, "yes," and her voice broke. 

"Oh, Kathryn-" he whispered tenderly. 

"Oh, Commander," the Doctor said, "good your here! Help me get them to sickbay. I believe I managed to completely disconnect Commander Tuvok from the collective. I want to start surgery as soon as possible." 

Chakotay nodded, and then looked at her, "do you want to walk or a site to site?' 

She inhaled thinking, "walk? I can't let the crew see me like-" 

He objected, "-Kathryn-" 

She closed her eyes, "-Chakotay please!" 

He nodded with a sigh, "okay." Then tapped his comm badge, "Chakotay to crew, clear all corridors from transporter room two to sickbay. Immediately."

She gazed at him, "thank you," she whispered.

"Come on," he said helping her stand soon as the Doctor was wheeling the gurney out with Tuvok on it. 

As soon as they arrived in sickbay, Tuvok was put on the main biobed and the 'clam shell' sensor came up over him and began scanning. 

"Captain over there," the Doctor instructed to the furthest biobed near the door. "Put B'Elanna on that one." Chakotay helped her onto the bed and made her as comfortable as possible. He leaned over her, "hang in there," he whispered. 

She nodded, "I know that now. How’s the ship?" 

He sighed with a shrug, "took a beating. We've got some repair work ahead of us, but she's in one piece." 

"We did it," she murmured.

He nodded, "yes we did."

"Commander," the Doctor said, "can you call Mr. Paris to sickbay? I could use his help right about now." 

"Of course," he said. He tapped his comm badge, "Chakotay to Paris, please report to sickbay." 

"On my way," Paris replied.

A moment later the Doctor came over to her bedside with a hypo, "good to see you captain. You must be tired, but I'm going to extract most of your implants first-" 

She shook her head, "-Tuvok-"

"-Is stabilized," the Doctor told her firmly. "I believe your next priority. So I'm going to put you to sleep for awhile." 

"Take good care of her Doctor," he told him. 

"Of course," he said smugly. 

Chakotay smiled, and then gazed down at her, "I'll be here when surgery is over." She nodded, he stroked her hand. 

"Goodnight Captain," the Doctor said, putting the hypo to her neck. Paris then entered, "Mr. Paris, good timing. We’ll be removing the captain's implants first." No answer, Chakotay turned to see Tom standing over B'Elanna speaking to her softly. "Mr. Paris?" 

Tom looked up, "yes Doctor," he replied, “the captain. I heard you." He said one more thing to her, then pulled away walking over to Kathryn's bed, at the end. He stared at her, "what do you need me to do?" 

"Get the instrument tray over here," the Doctor ordered. "We've got some work to do here.”

"I'll be on the bridge," Chakotay told them leaving to give them room and be out of the way. 

=/\=

Hours later as the ship cruised through space towards the Alpha Quadrant at warp three, repair crews worked around the clock to get all systems functional again. 

In sickbay, the Doctor and Paris worked on the away team. Both worked as unemotionally as possible. These were their friends, their family. Soon Kathryn was looking human again, he stimulated her hair growth to the length she had before assimilation and regrew skin synthetic on areas of her body where the implants took over. 

When she was done, not completely, although there was a little touch-up work left to do, it would wait while she still healed for a day. She was also dressed into a sickbay gown and left sedated while they worked on Tuvok and B'Elanna. 

On the bridge, Chakotay monitored the repairs, but in the back of his mind was the away team's health status. He hadn't heard from sickbay for hours and it was driving him crazy. He knew he had to be patient, he knew they were in good hands. 

He was sitting his chair - he didn't use hers, because she was back, reading a current status report on the EPS conduit replacements. He heard his comm beep, "sickbay to bridge." 

"Chakotay here," he said now alert. "How is it going Doctor?" 

"Captain Janeway and Lieutenant Torres are done," he reported. "Commander Tuvok has taken a little more time, but with-some simple aesthetics done to them, they'll look good as new. Although a little sore." 

"That's good to hear," Chakotay said with relief. 

"And someone would like to see you," the Doctor added. "As soon as you’re available-" 

"I'll be right down," he said, "Chakotay out." He stood up, "Harry you have the bridge, I'll be in sickbay." 

"Aye sir," he said. 

=/\=

When he arrived in sickbay, the lights were low in the main area, except for the office and over Kathryn's bed. The Doctor saw him from inside the office and signaled him over and inside. 

He spoke softly, "the captain woke up from her surgery asking for you and a repair detail report -" 

"-Well, you can take the ship away from the captain, but not the captain away Chakotay grinned, “from the ship." 

The Doctor frowned, "how metaphorical." After a moment, he said, "I told her she can talk with you, but no reports. She needs her rest." 

"I'll be sure to enforce it," he said. 

"And please, be brief," the Doctor added. 

Chakotay nodded and then turned walking out and over to her biobed. She lay pale against the bed with her eyes closed. Her new hair spread against the pillow and a thermal blanket covered her. He studied her for a moment, he could see where some of the implants were along her hairline and the side of her face. But despite it all, she was still beautiful. Then he leaned over her, out of the Doctors immediate view and stroked the side of her face gently whispering, "Kathryn." 

Her eyes opened, they stared up at him with blue intensity. She sighed, "Chak-otay-" 

"-Ssh,” he said gently, "save your strength. The Doctor said you'll be feeling better tomorrow." He smiled, "you look better."

“I'm glad," she said and went to move her head and winced. She groaned, "bad...idea. Oh, I'm sore." 

“It's from the implants," he said. she sighed again, "you wanted to see me?"

She nodded slightly, "you weren't here when I woke up." 

"I'm sorry," he said, "but I was a little busy.”

"You’re forgiven," she said, then moaned, "why can't I recover in my quarters?"

"Because the Doctor needs to monitor you," he said, "for the next couple of days at least. Then you can go back." 

"Nonsense," she said, "I'm ready-" 

"Times up,” the Doctor said quietly at her bedside. "I think it's time for our captain to get her beauty sleep."

"I agree," Chakotay said. “We'll talk more in the morning." The Doctor administered the sedative. 

Kathryn stared up at him, watching her vision first blur. He stared down at her smiling and her eyes drooped slowly closed.

"Goodnight Kathryn," he told her and she slept. 

The next morning Kathryn roused from her induced slumber, still sore, especially her back. The Doctor told her the Borg put spinal clamps along the length of her spinal column, which were connected to other implants throughout her body. It was a lengthy process to remove them all, she'll be sore for a good week. 

She felt better than she had in a long time, since before leaving for the cube. Ensign Wildman was called again to assist in sickbay while the Doctor waited for Paris to take over mid-shift. 

And she was hungry. She realized she hadn't eaten in over twenty-four hours. With Wildman's help and some painkillers, she was assisted in propping herself up against the vitals display with extra pillows to cushion her back. That's when she was notified that Neelix was on his way with an omelet and toast for herself and B'Elanna. Tuvok was still unconscious, but better. The Doctor planned more work to do on him later that day. 

"Captain! B'Elanna!” Neelix said happily walking into sickbay rolling a cart with two trays on it. "It's so good to see you both looking well." 

"Thank you Neelix," Kathryn said smiling. "It's good to be back." 

"Hope you both are hungry," he said. 

"Starved," said B'Elanna with a growl. 

Neelix nodded with a smile pulling over a bedside table that was folded against the wall, unfolded it and put a tray on it and rolled it over to Kathryn. He did the same for B'Elanna, then put some coffee mugs on their plates and poured each of them a cup.

"You read my mind!' Kathryn said with a groan, inhaling the steam. "Thank you Neelix." 

"I aim to please," he told her and lifted the warming covers off the plates. "I found these warmers in storage about three years ago, but never had a reason to use them, until now." 

"Excellent idea Neelix," B'Elanna said, starting on her breakfast. 

Neelix nodded, "well, if you'd both excuse me, it is the breakfast shift and there is a roomful of hungry crewmembers." 

"Go!" Kathryn commanded. "They deserve it!" He then quickly left with the cart, she smiled, "I swear he can be a godsend since we arrived in the quadrant." 

"I know," B'Elanna agreed, "and I've actually gotten used to some of his cooking." 

Kathryn laughed, "yes, it did take some getting used to. But, imagine what life would have been like on Voyager without his cooking?" 

"Harry would be chef?" 

"Don't tell him you said that," Kathryn said. They ate in silence for a few minutes. 

The Doctor walked over out of his office, "oh, I see Mr. Neelix has brought you both breakfast. How is your appetite?" 

"Like I've never seen food before," B'Elanna said. 

"Very good," Kathryn said. 

The Doctor smiled with a nod, "very well. Don't overdue it, I'll be in my office if you need me." 

Then he turned around and left. 

Once her meal was through, Kathryn sipped her coffee, and then she glanced over at B'Elanna, "lieutenant?" 

"Captain." 

"I want to thank you for risking your life," she replied. "You didn't have to go on the away mission." 

B'Elanna nodded with a sigh, "l know, ma'am. But I felt it was something I had to do." 

"Can I ask why?" 

She was quiet for a moment, "l guess to..." and then groaned. “I can't believe I'm saying this, but to understand Seven more."

"Now that's one reason she won't believe," Kathryn agreed. She then realized she was still sleepy. "Neelix's food was wonderful. Now I just want to sleep." 

"I think I'll do that," B'Elanna said. 

Kathryn smiled and rested her head against the pillows, she heard the sickbay doors slide open and closed, some footsteps, and then quiet.

"You both look wonderful," said a voice. 

Kathryn opened her eyes seeing Chakotay standing in front of her bed dressed fresh for duty. "Commander what a pleasant surprise." 

"He's a sight for sore eyes!" B'Elanna chimed in. "Come here!" And he walked over as she opened her arms, he embraced her gently as not to hurt her. 

Kathryn watched the exchange with tears in her eyes, she sighed wiping them away before they noticed. Then he pulled away from B'Elanna, "you look better B'Ella." 

"Thanks," she said. 

He turned back to Kathryn staring at her. She was still pale, but some color had returned and she was beautiful, even without her makeup. But he didn't touch her, he stepped closer to the bed. "Anything I can get you?" 

"Yes my desk computer," she said, "and some status reports." 

He nodded, "yes, ma'am. I'll have someone send them down shortly." He tilted his head, "anything else?" 

"Keep sending the coffee in," she said. 

"I will," he replied. "Well if you'll both excuse me, but someone has got to run the ship." 

"Don't get too comfortable," Kathryn told him with a warning tone. 

He chuckled, "I'll be sure I won't. I'll see you both later," and he walked out.

=/\=

Chakotay fulfilled her request by sending Paris down to sickbay with Kathryn's desk computer from her ready room and a small stack of padd's. He was there for mid-shift to assist the Doctor in working on Tuvok more. B'Elanna went back to sleep, while she read reports and drank a cup of coffee. She wanted to sleep herself, but was determined not to until she got some work done. 

A few hours later, Paris returned to the bridge, the major work on Tuvok was completed and the Doctor could finish up the rest of the minor work himself. 

That's when Seven showed up and informed her the resistance was still active. She sympathized with Seven however, because Seven's friend Axum was located in a cube deep in Gamma Quadrant, there was little hope of them meeting. But she didn't confirm that with Seven, when she herself made that observation. 

Awhile later, she saw the Doctor wandering back to his office. She called him over, he took out his tricorder. "Any pain or discomfort Captain?" 

"A little," she replied, "its okay long as I don't move." 

He frowned at her, "now Captain, you have to let me know when you’re in pain. Besides, I think your looking a little worn, I think it's time you rest now."

She sighed, "good idea," he picked up a hypo and programmed a dosage, then injected her with it. "How's Tuvok?" 

"He's better," he replied, "some of those implants were attached to some nerves that needed careful removal. All that's left for him is some dermal reconstruction, but I can do that tomorrow. Oh, by the way, that shot I just gave you? It included a mild sedative -" 

"-I'm not surprised," she said dully and covered a yawn. She put the current padd she was working on next to her computer on a special table next to her bed. She slowly adjusted herself to lying down on her side with the assistance of the Doctor. Within a few minutes she fell into a peaceful sleep. 

That day on the bridge was busy and Chakotay had no time to visit Kathryn for lunch because he worked right through. At times he was crawling through a Jefferies tube to help repair blown out EPS relays or help rewiring a panel on one of the lower decks. 

He was exhausted, sweaty and hungry. But he knew she would want a report from him, so he had a quick dinner and before going to bed, headed to sickbay. 

When he arrived, the lights were slightly lower and it was quiet. He looked around and saw Kathryn, B'Elanna and Tuvok asleep. The Doctor was in his office, he walked over. "Doctor?" 

The Doctor looked up, "oh Commander, what can I do for you?" 

"How is the Captain, B'Elanna and Tuvok?" 

"Resting comfortably," he replied. "I hear you were a bit busy today." 

Chakotay sighed, "that's an understatement. Would it be too much if I woke the captain up?" 

"You should be okay," he said. "I gave her a mild sedative a few hours ago. She might be a little groggy, but don't pressure her too much." 

"I promise," he said and walked away and over to her bed. So she wouldn't have to move, she was lying on her side in a slight fetal position, he pulled up a stool and sat down studying her sleeping form, she looked peaceful. Then he reached out to stroke her hair and along her hairline, she moaned softly. "Kathryn wake up." 

"Hmmm-" she whispered. "Why?" 

"I thought you'd like a visit," he said. 

She sighed, "why? I'm comfortable." 

"You don't have to move," he told her. "Just open your eyes." 

"Oh," she groaned, and then slowly opened her eyes. "Chakotay - you look tired." 

He shrugged, "a little, repairs are going slow." 

"Sorry to hear that," she whispered. "I'd help if I could." 

He smiled, "I know. How are B'Elanna and Tuvok?" 

She shrugged, "Tuvok is on the mend, and B’Elanna is fine." She paused for a moment, then, "Tuvok tried holding onto his individuality, he tried repeating his birth, children -it was difficult when I saw him lost to the collective and he was fighting it to the very end. Once the Doctor releases him, I think a few days of meditation will be in order." 

"Well, what about you?" he asked her. "You'll need them to."

She shook her head, "there's no need. As soon as I'm released, I'll be on the bridge the next morning." 

Chakotay sighed, "Kathryn you need to rest -"

"-I agree," the Doctor said walking over. "Captain the commander is right. Your back is still healing from those spinal clamps. Walking will be difficult the first few days." 

"I can handle it," he told her firmly. 

Kathryn stared at them, then groaned, "okay, fine. But would it be okay if I conduct ship business from my quarters?”

"That's fine with me," he replied, “Just don't overdue it." 

"I won't," she said. 

"If you'll excuse me," the Doctor said walking away to check on B'Elanna and Tuvok. 

They stared at each other waiting for the Doctor to move to Tuvok. When he was, Chakotay leaned in closer, "is it out of line for me to tell you that you look beautiful?" 

She smiled, "under the circumstances, it’s allowed." He smiled, “thank you." She studied him, "you look tired Chakotay. You should get some rest." 

He nodded, "I will and so should you." He stood up with a sigh, "goodnight Kathryn." 

"Goodnight Chakotay," she replied softly and he gently touched her hand and left. She then closed her eyes to let sleep take her again. 

The Doctor stood just inside his office observing the quiet exchange. He smiled a little, knowing what was happening between them. He found himself approving. Her last relationship in his opinion, was not a relationship since her intended was a hologram, of all things. That he didn't like much, but this he did. Then he went back to work on their medical reports. 

During the next two days of her recovery in sickbay, the Doctor finished with the touch-up dermal regeneration on her face, arms and back. Her back was still quite sore, but the Doctors skillful hands and bedside manner made it tolerable. 

B'Elanna was doing well also, and both would be released shortly for rest in their quarters. 

Tuvok was conscious for short periods, he was mentally willing his body to heal and giving the Doctor a hard time with his Vulcan stubbornness. Paris just brushed it off and threatened to sedate him if he kept it up. 

When it was time for Kathryn to leave sickbay that afternoon, the Doctor replicated a new uniform for her and erected a privacy screen around her bed. He had Wildman go to her quarters with her permission to obtain some personal underwear for her. Kathryn agreed, told her what to get and where. Wildman did exactly as told, and returned with them. She also helped her dress. 

Also Kathryn wanted to visit the bridge before retiring to her quarters for medical leave. The Doctor protested, but she insisted that Chakotay would be with her the whole time to support and lean against. She promised she would be brief and he quieted. 

When she was ready, Chakotay arrived shortly later to escort her, she was anxious. When he arrived, he extended his arm for support, which she took. The Doctor injected a painkiller and sedative right before she left. He told her to make her visit to the bridge brief, sleep is forthcoming. 

She agreed. Right before leaving, told B'Elanna to rest up and not give Paris a hard time. With Chakotay's help, she walked over to Tuvok who was awake. "How are you feeling?" she asked him gently. 

"I am...better," he replied with some difficulty. He paused, then, "you should have...deactivated me Captain -" 

She shook her head, "-no Tuvok, it could have killed you, you know that. At least we got you out of there."

He nodded, "indeed." 

She reached out with a gentle smile stroking his shoulder, "take your time to recover my friend." 

"I will return..." he told her, "to duty as soon as the Doctor allows." 

She sighed, "I know, we all will. And Tuvok, don't give him and Tom a hard time." 

"I'll do my best," he replied. 

She smiled again, then turned away on Chakotay's arm and they walked slowly towards the door. As they left, the Doctor said, "oh Captain, I'll be checking up on you by 1100 hours each morning. Please don't hesitate to call Mr. Paris or I for pain help." 

"Will do, Doctor," she said as they exited. 

On the way to the bridge, he led her to the closest lift near sickbay. She noticed various crewmembers at work on various parts of the ship. He explained it dealt with everything from EPS conduits to the gel packs. More were scattered throughout on other tasks. 

As they approached the lift, he said, "you’re not happy about this leave, are you?" 

She sighed, "of course not." Then firmly stared up at him, "you would like nothing more. But I have no choice, my back is killing me.” He smiled at her and she felt her insides quiver slightly and she swallowed shaking it off. 

The lift doors opened and they entered, "bridge," he said when the doors slid closed. "I'd like nothing more than to see you well and healthy." 

She nodded, "I know, I'd like the same." The lift started to slow some and she pulled away from him straightening herself up as much as she could without pain. He offered his hand and she shook her head. "Just stay nearby." 

"I will," he said as the lift stopped and doors opened. 

Kathryn walked out slowly observing the bridge, a technician was busy over at an engineering panel. Chakotay was close behind her, when she came into view on the upper level, Harry said, "Captain on the bridge!" and said it with a touch of happiness. 

Everyone on the bridge turned and stood at attention smiling. She nodded with a smile, "at ease everyone," and they all nodded and returned back to work. She turned stepping slowly down to the starboard side. He noticed her fighting the pain with taking these steps as she gripped the railings. After a moment, she turned and slowly stepped up to the command platform. "Ensign open a channel to the ship," she asked. 

"Yes, ma'am," he replied from Ops. "Go ahead." 

"This is the captain," she said. "I am giving Commander Chakotay temporary command of the ship while I take medical leave from my time on the cube. Commander Tuvok and Lieutenant Torres will be doing the same. Any matters or concerns will be taken to the commander, I will be conducting minor business from my quarters. I do not object to visits, as I would be happy to talk with every one of you." She paused for a moment, and then said, "I'll see everyone in a few days. Captain out," Harry cut the transmission. "Mr. Kim I'll be in my quarters, the commander will see me there and return." 

"Yes, ma'am," he said. 

Kathryn indicated to Chakotay with a glance and he stepped up just beside her. She started to walk towards the lift slowly. He had to help her up the steps to the lift by gently putting a hand on her lower back. Once she was on the upper level, he took his hand away, they walked into the lift. 

Once the doors closed, she leaned against the wall, "I'm so tired Chakotay." 

"It's probably that sedative," he told her, "that the Doctor gave you." 

She raised her head gazing at him, and then nodded, "you’re probably right." 

"Captain's quarters," he told the computer and the lift sank and she almost did with it. He reached out for her by wrapping his arm around her waist. "Kathryn-" he said gently. 

She felt his strength and didn't pull away from him, but leaned against him. She got her feet beneath her again just as the lift slowed. "I'm okay,' she told him. “Thank you." 

"I'm not letting you go," he said firmly, "until we get to your quarters." 

The lift stopped and the doors opened, "that's fine," she replied and they walked out. Luckily her door wasn't too far away and the corridor was clear. It was almost Gamma shift and the work details were preparing for the shift change. Since this was the case, she allowed herself to wrap an arm around his waist, her legs were beginning to feel weak. 

"I want you to rest," he said, "these next few days." 

"I will," she said and stopped outside her door. She keyed in her code and the doors opened. As they entered, she said, "lights." When that happened, she sighed seeing huge vase of white lilies on her dining table. The fragrance could be smelled in the air. "Chakotay what did you do?" 

He smiled at her, "I thought these would help you relax." 

“Oh yes," she said and turned to him, gazing up. "Thank you, that was very thoughtful." 

He stared at her, "your welcome Kathryn," and lightly stroked her jawline. 

She then broke the connection, "I have to change-" 

"-I'll leave," he said as she pulled away walking slowly to her bedroom. 

She stopped and turned, "Chakotay?" He looked at her, "would you mind staying with me for awhile? I know you should be on the bridge-" 

“-I'll stay with you," he replied gently, "as long as you'd like Kathryn.” 

She smiled a little, "thank you. Please take a seat," and walked into her bedroom. 

He stood there for a moment, and then said, "would you like some coffee?” 

After a moment she said, "that sounds okay. But given the way the sedative is acting, I most likely won't finish it." 

He nodded and walked over to her replicator, "computer one coffee, decaf. And one herb tea," the coffee and tea appeared on the base. 

Inside her bedroom, Kathryn had managed to remove her uniform coat and trousers. She went to reach up to unfasten her shirt and felt a sharp pain travel up her spine and into her neck. She gasped dropping her hands to her sides squinting her eyes shut waiting for the pain to subside. It slowly did and she lifted her head, she had no choice but to ask him for help, even if she was in just her panties and shirt. 

Chakotay put the coffee and tea on the table when he heard, "Chakotay?" 

"Yes," he said. 

"I hate to do this," she replied, "but I need your help." 

He then walked over and stood in the doorway seeing her state of undress. "Kathryn?" 

"I can't get my shirt off," she said, trying not to be embarrassed. Yet he could see the color rising in her face. 

He did his best to ignore it, "no problem. Where's your nightgown?" 

"Over on that chair," she replied pointing towards the other side of the room. He nodded and walked over picking up the silk peach nightgown and robe. Then he walked back to her placing them before her. She lifted up her hair and he pulled down the zipper, unfastening the back. He expected to find her sleeveless top on, but instead saw her simple white cotton bra strap. His loins tightened some, but he fought it down. Then quickly as he could, he unhooked the strap. 

"Is that okay?" he asked her, trying not to let his desire for her show in his voice. 

She nodded, "I should be okay. Thank you." 

He sighed, "I'll be in the other room," and he turned walking out. 

For a moment Kathryn sat there, she realized he must have felt embarrassed or uncomfortable for helping her undress. She shook it off, and pulled the shirt and bra off at the same time. She then picked up the nightgown and slowly pulled it over her head shrugging into it. Then she pulled on the robe, fixed her hair and stood slowly adjusting the rest of the gown. When she was sure it was presentable, she walked out slowly to him. 

By the time Kathryn came out, he was calm again. He saw her and stood up, "need any help?" 

She shook her head, "I'm fine," she walked over to her sofa and sank down, he handed her her coffee, and then sat in the chair with his tea. "Chakotay?" He looked at her, "would you like to sit next to me?" 

"You won't mind?" he asked and she shook her head. He stood up, stepped over to her, and sank down next to her. She leaned against him and curled her feet up behind her while holding her coffee. 

She sipped it, and then looked at him, "decaf? Why?' 

He looked at her, "well I thought it'd be the best for now with the sedative." 

She laughed quietly, "well Chakotay, I think you know me better than myself." 

"That's my job," he said, "isn't it?" She nodded putting her head on his shoulder. Then to get more comfortable, he lifted his own up and around her gently. She didn't seem to mind. After a few minutes he sighed, "I was so worried about you Kathryn. But I'm very happy you returned to me and the ship." 

She didn't say anything for a moment, the flashback of her assimilation passed through her mind. She sighed and then put her unfinished coffee on the table. She rested back against him and said quietly, "I was so scared when I felt those tubules enter my neck." She swallowed fighting the memory, but it seemed to want to come. "The pain-" he gently tightened his hold on her, to comfort. "I felt the Borg trying to take my life, my individuality-" and a sob escaped her. "But -I wouldn't let them, I wouldn't!" 

Chakotay then wrapped his arms around her stroking her hair. "It must have been awful and painful Kathryn. I'm so sorry." 

She closed her eyes, "it was my choice. I had to do it -I knew it might happen. I guess I just wasn't prepared as I thought." Then her time with the Queen filled her memory, she whimpered, "and then she made me responsible for all those drones -I heard them die -" and began to cry softly as the tears slid down her face, fresh and hot. 

"Kathryn," he said gently as she cried in his arms. "You had no control of what you were doing. The Queen killed those drones, not you." 

She then turned to look up at him, she winced when some pain shot through her. She wiped her eyes and said, "I should have fought it! But I couldn't - now I understand Seven's strength - they were too strong. I never felt so helpless in my life," and more tears spilled down her face. 

"Let it happen," he told her gathering her against him as he would a child. She began to cry and wrapped her arms around his chest, laying her head against him. He held her as it came out in large sobs and he stroked her back. "You'll feel better because of this." 

After several minutes, she began to quiet, and wiped her eyes. She whispered, "I just want to go home Chakotay." 

He sighed, "I know, I know. So do I Kathryn." 

Shortly later she was asleep and he sat there holding her. He waited until she was in a deep and sound sleep. Then he disengaged her from him and slowly stood up. He walked into her bedroom, put her discarded uniform on a chair nearby. Then he pulled down her bedcovers and moved the pillow to the corner so he'd be able to place her properly. 

Chakotay walked back out to her and lifted her up into his arms. She put her head on his shoulder as he carried her into the bedroom. Then he lowered her to the bed on her side, she curled into a slight fetal position, she slept as he put the pillow under her head, then found another in her closet and tucked that in her back. He pulled the blankets over her and leaned over kissing her. 

He straightened and walked out, "computer, dim lights." The cabin became illuminated. His comm badge then chirped, he tapped it, "Chakotay here."

"Carey here, sir," was the reply. "Can you come to engineering? I have a situation I need to discuss with you."

He sighed, "I'll be right there. Chakotay out." He took one last glance back towards Kathryn's bedroom. It was quiet, so he left, the door locking behind him. 

Kathryn stirred softly slowly opening her eyes. She sighed closing them, the idea of sleep still tugging in her mind. After several minutes, she groaned opening her eyes as they adjusted to the dimness of the cabin. Then she sighed and slowly sat up, "Chakotay?" She said looking around and received no answer. She rubbed her face sighing wondering when he left. "Computer, time?" 

"01100 hours," it replied. 

She sighed in disbelief, she had slept from the following afternoon till late morning the next day. "Computer, locate Commander Chakotay."

"Commander Chakotay," it said, "is on the bridge."

She nodded and glanced out her window watching the stars slip by. The ship was traveling at warp three, probably for repair details. 

Since she had no duty to report to, she sank back down to the bed. It was too quiet, she sighed, "computer, play Janeway music selection two please." And then some soft jazz was heard from the speakers. She lay relaxing to it and ready to fall back to sleep when she heard her door chime. She groaned, "who is it?" 

"The Doctor," was the reply. "I'm here for your check-up Captain." 

She sighed, "come in Doctor," and heard the doors slide open. 

"Captain?" he said from the other room. 

"In here," she replied and a moment later he was in the doorway. 

"Good morning Captain," he said pleasantly. "How did you sleep?"

"Like a rock!" she said and watched him pull out his tricorder and scanner. "Would you like the lights up?"

"This'll do," he replied. "Any pain?" 

"A little," she said, he nodded and programmed up a dose from a hypospray. "How are Tuvok and B'Elanna?" 

"Lieutenant Torres," he reported, "was released from sickbay last evening into Tom Paris’ care. Commander Tuvok is also doing well, but is still in sickbay. I think I'll release him in another day or so.”

"Is he giving you a hard time?" 

"Not really," he said and placed the hypo on her neck, injected the medicine, then pulled it away. "You must be hungry.”

"A little," she said. 

"Well, that's good," he told her. "That means the implants I removed should stay removed. At least you shouldn't have the problem's Seven has had, no regeneration is necessary. Would you like food from the replicator or Mr. Neelix's kitchen?" 

"What's he serving?" she asked. 

"Knowing him," he replied, "something that would upset my stomach, if I had one. But I'll send him your way shortly." He stared at her, "would you like help sitting up?”

"Might as well," she said and he put away his tricorder and medical kit. He assisted her gently into a sitting position propping her up against the pillows. "Computer raise lights seventy percent." And they came up slowly. 

"Good day Captain," he said. "Don't forget to call if you need anything." He walked out moment's later. 

That's when Kathryn realized she wished she had her brush so she could work on her hair. So instead she combed her hair with her fingers and tucked the longer left side lock behind her ear. 

Her comm unit beeped, "Neelix to Captain Janeway." 

"Janeway here," she replied. 

"What would you like for breakfast?” he asked her. 

"One of your omelets, coffee," she replied, "and perhaps a muffin. And some padd's from Commander Chakotay on repair details." 

"I'll be right up," he said. "Neelix out." 

She sat there for a few minutes, and then touched the comm padd on her nightstand. "Janeway to Chakotay." 

"Chakotay here, captain," he replied. "And good morning. Do you feel any better?" 

"A little," she said, and then sighed. "Commander please send down any reports that have been finished. You can give them to Neelix." 

"Will do," he said. "Anything else?" 

She sat there for a moment, then, "no, that'll be it. Janeway out." She sighed and closed her eyes listening to the music. Shortly later her door chime rang, she lifted her head. "Come in." 

"Captain?" asked Neelix. 

"In here," she said and he appeared at the doorway. "Good morning Neelix." 

"Hungry?" he asked her. "I tried to rush, but I got a little busy. Shall I?" 

"Please," she said, he nodded with a smile and walked away. A moment later he returned with a special tray that had tall legs on each side, a covered food dish, pot of coffee and cup, a flower in a vase. 

"Neelix it looks wonderful, thank you." He placed it over her legs, each side of the tray on the outside of her legs. She glanced down and saw a narrow pocket on the side beside her utensils that had two padd's inside. He poured her coffee and set down the pot. 

"You’re looking better," he said. 

"Well, that's only the surface," she replied. 

"Captain?" 

She sighed, "well, not only is my back still healing from those damn spinal clamps, my sleep isn't peaceful." 

"Nightmares?" 

She shrugged and sipped her coffee, "one." 

"Why, Captain," he said sympathetic. “Considering what you've just been through I think that would be expected." 

Kathryn stared at her resident Talaxian. She nodded, "you’re probably right. Shouldn't you be in the messhall finishing -?" 

He shook his head, "-not to worry. Mostly everyone has eaten. I just finished serving the last one when the Doctor called me. But I'll leave to prepare lunch shortly." He watched her eat for a moment, and then said, "you know Captain, if I'm not being too forward-" she shrugged. "Commander Chakotay is quite devoted to you. The whole crew has noticed." 

Kathryn buttered her muffin and raised her eyebrow at him. "The commander is a very good friend." He nodded with a smile, but she couldn't mistake the twinkle in his eye. She was tempted to press on it, but didn't. Then she continued, "have you brought anything to B'Elanna?" 

"I tried," he replied, "but right now she doesn't want visitors. She'll use her replicator rations for the next few days." Then he glanced at her nearby chronometer. "Oh I had better go. I have to get lunch ready." 

"Go," she said, "and here I'm done. Just leave the coffee and the padd." 

He nodded, but then took the flower and placed it on her nightstand, she smiled at him. He handed her the padd, then picked up the tray. "I'll see you later, Captain," he said and walked out. She turned on the padd and began reading. 

=/\=

A few hours later she still sat, but asleep peacefully. Her head was propped up against her pillow, the padd beside her on the bed. Outside Chakotay chimed her door, but got no answer. He did again, still no answer. He sighed, "computer is Captain Janeway in her quarters?" 

"Affirmative," it replied. 

He sighed, the tray was getting a little heavy and was awkward. He sighed, "computer override Captain Janeway's door lock, authorization Chakotay Beta 3," he heard the door unlock and then they slid open. He entered glancing around, “Kathryn?" He walked over putting the tray on the table, and walked towards her bedroom. He stood in the doorway finding her asleep and he smiled. He stepped over to her and stared at her. She looked peaceful, he didn't want to disturb her, but she needed to eat, so he leaned over and gently kissed her and pulled away. A moment later, she sighed opening her eyes, the blue stared back at him and she smiled. "Hello Sleeping Beauty." 

She sighed, 'hello." After a moment asked, "who's minding the store?" 

"Harry is," he replied. "Are you hungry?" 

She shrugged, "a little." 

"Well, I brought you some lunch," he said. 

"You didn't have to do that," she said. 

"I wanted to," he told her. "I'll be right back," and left back to the table. He set up their plates, and then walked back to her. "Ready?' She nodded and pulled back the bedcovers, he handed her her robe. She took it wrapping it around her, and then swung her legs over the side. "Do you feel like walking?" 

She shrugged, "I think I can manage with the help of my best friend." He smiled and offered his hand, she took it and he pulled her to her feet. Then bent his arm, she took it and they walked out slowly to the other room. 

During lunch she went over more reports with him as they ate. She was shocked at the damage caused by the Borg attack when the ship was vulnerable. There was several more days left to finishing up. She also read his logs from the mission. 

"You handled it well," she said.

He shrugged, "considering the pressure we were under, I agree. When the cube accessed the security codes to our shields, that's when it got hairy, but I managed to pull us together again." 

She stared at him, and then sighed, "I knew what was going on. That's when the Queen took me and Tuvok succumbed. I couldn't prevent what was happening to the ship, but I'm so happy to see you and the crew is safe." 

"So am I," he said. 

Shortly later they were done with lunch and the briefing. He had to get back to the bridge. He stood up walking over to her, "ready?" 

She nodded, "yes, I'm feeling a little tired.”

"Will you be okay?" 

She sighed, “Chakotay you worry too much, “and she began to stand. Her legs felt weak and she began to sink, he caught her and she grasped his forearms. 

"Kathryn," he said concerned. "I'll call the Doctor-" 

She shook her head, "-no, I'll be alright. I just need rest." 

"Well," he said, "you're not walking," and he lifted her up into his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck staring at him. He then carried her back into her bedroom and lowered her to the bed against the pillows. He began to pull away, but she stopped him, his face in her hands as they stared at each other. "Kathryn," he whispered and kissed her finger nearer his mouth. He sighed, "as soon as you’re completely recovered we'll have a chance to discover each other." 

She stared at him, then said, "I'd love to, when I'm no longer in pain." 

He then kissed her deeply, she responded stroking the sides of his face. Their breaths intermingled and then he slowly pulled away, their eyes never leaving each other. "I'll see you tonight Kathryn." And he walked out. 

She sat there quietly, the only thing on her mind was the feel of his mouth on hers. The desire she felt in his kiss. He was being patient, more patient than she thought he was allowing himself. She sighed in thought realizing how much she meant wanting to discover him as well. 

She groaned, was she insane? This was her first officer, but their feelings were so strong and she couldn't deny the desire she felt growing for him. 

But they were in the Delta Quadrant, they were closer to home, but not close enough that starting a relationship wouldn't be possible. There was still a possibility they'd arrive home in thirty years. Could she honestly live that long without companionship? 

No, she was going to take the risk when it was time. Regulations be damned, her happiness needed to be considered. She'd deal with the repercussions if they ever returned home. 

Early that evening, Seven visited her. Kathryn was pleased to see her and accepted her duty report of repairs that she worked on. 

Seven stood beside the bed while she read and approved of what was done. "How are the children? Were they scared during the attacks?" 

"Icheb," Seven replied, "and the others were with Naomi Wildman during the mission in Ensign Wildman's quarters. They handled it all well." 

Kathryn nodded, "that's good." Her door chime rang, "come," she said and a moment later Chakotay appeared in her doorway. "Commander, is it that time already?" 

"Yes," he replied and turned to Seven. "Seven.” 

"Commander," she said, "if you'll excuse me-" 

"-Would you like to join us for dinner?" Kathryn asked her. 

Seven glanced at Chakotay and then at Kathryn. She had a sense of what was developing between the two. In her years spent on Voyager now, she had observed growing romances between several different crewmembers, this was no different. 

"No thank you," she told her politely. 

"You sure?" 

"As our good doctor has told me," she replied, "'three is a crowd. Commander. Captain." And she turned and left. 

Kathryn smirked and he chuckled, "what was that supposed to mean?" she asked.

He walked over and sat next to her on the bed, still smiling, "I think you know exactly what it means." She stared at him, "apparently Seven is more perceptive than she let's on." 

"That's a good thing," she told him softly. 

He nodded, "yes it is," and he leaned into her and kissed her gently. Then he looked at her, "hungry?" 

"A little," she replied, "but I don't feel like walking much."

"That's okay," he said, "I'll bring it in here." He stood up and that's when he saw the flower. "Secret admirer?" 

She glanced at it, then sighed, "oh, no. Neelix put that on my breakfast tray this morning. Something to brighten my day." 

"He's an impressive chef," he said. "I'll be right back," and walked out. When he was out in her living area, he found the bed tray folded up against the dining table. He picked it up placing it on the table and put her dinner on it. His finger found the button that would release the legs and he walked into her room with it. "Look what he left?" 

Kathryn smiled, "perceptive, huh? He left it here for the morning I guess." He shrugged and brought it over to her, released the legs and placed it in front of her. "What about you?" 

"I'll sit in the chair," he said, left and then returned with his plate and tea. He sat in the one chair alongside her bed and placed his tea on the other nightstand. 

"How was the shift?" she asked. 

He shrugged, "nothing exciting. I spent time after lunch in jefferies tube thirty over engineering helping Crewman Garrett replace a stubborn gel pack-"

"-Stubborn?" 

"It was fused to the relay," he replied, "during the attack." 

"Oh," she said. "But I'll get the report?" 

"You know you will," he said, they sat in silence for a few minutes. "I heard from Tom that B'Elanna is going through her angry stage." 

Kathryn looked at him, "how?" 

He shrugged, "a broken mirror, torn up furniture -replaceable stuff. But he claims she's better, almost got a black eye himself while holding her from trashing her desk computer. But she should be nicer to Seven now that she's been freed from the collective herself." 

"At least she didn't injure herself," she said and he nodded, both remembering B'Elanna's past problem. She thought for a moment, "know what I wouldn't mind?' 

"What?" 

"A walk in a nice field," she said, "with some soft wind and hearing a river nearby." 

“Sounds like New Earth," he said easily and he looked at her. She glanced at him while sipping her coffee. “Kathryn?”

She sat for a few moment as he waited, then she said, “I was just remembering it today." 

"Why?" he asked and stood up with his empty plate. He saw she was finished and took the tray from her after putting his on. She kept her coffee. He took the tray and put it in the doorway. 

"Perhaps we can find a planet," she told him, "with that same feel. It'd be good for the crew-" 

"-But without the bug?" he asked. 

"Definitely," she said with a small smile. “Perhaps you could finish that canoe?" 

That's when he understood what she was hinting at. He sighed looking away, then turned to her. “We have to have that talk about what happened there Kathryn."

"I know," she nodded, "and we will, I promise." 

"Okay," and he picked up the tray again and walked out to her living area. Then he returned to her, would you like anything else?"

"Just keep me company," she replied, she carefully slid to one side of the bed and readjusted the pillows, "I won't bite." 

He stared at her and smiled, "I won't either," and walked over joining her, he stretched his legs out and wrapped an arm around her. She curled a little into him resting her head on his shoulder. "You tired?" 

"Who? Me?" she asked shocked. “I've practically spent this leave in bed.” 

"That can make you tired," he said. 

She sighed, "true.” They sat there and she stroked his chest absently, he closed his eyes fighting his rising desire and hoped she wouldn't notice. He then reached up taking her hand holding it, she smiled. They sat there quietly and suddenly she heard a quiet snore, "Chakotay?" No answer, she sat up some and saw his head tilted back on the pillow and eyes closed. She smirked knowing he had to be exhausted since before and after the mission. She decided as soon as she was back to duty in full health, she'd give him a few days rest. It would only be fair for what he's done for her. 

With that decided, she made herself comfortable against him again, rested her head on his lower shoulder and closed her eyes. 

Chakotay woke with a start looking around, shocked to still find himself in Kathryn's cabin, let alone on her bed. He sighed rubbing his face with his free hand and felt some weight on his chest, as well as, new stubble. It was time for another shave and some beard repressor. He glanced down finding Kathryn asleep across his chest. 

She was beautiful, her auburn hair lay across one shoulder. He saw her low back nightgown and his eye caught a tiny scar mid-way down. He wondered why the Doctor left it there, but it was probably for healing purposes. And it would also explain her back pain. He was tempted to run his hand along her back, but didn't. 

He moaned softly, then said, "computer, time?" 

"0700 hours," it said. 

0700? He said to himself shocked. He had been there all night? He had only an hour and a half before duty. 

He looked back down at how comfortable she looked and realized he didn't want to leave, but had to. He leaned over and kissed the top of her head and at the same time swung his legs over the side of the bed. Then he disengaged her from him gently and carefully, placing her on the mattress in the same position with a pillow under her head. He pulled the bedcovers over her, kissed her gently and headed out to shower and change hoping no one would see him leaving at this hour. 

"Computer, lower lights, half intensity," and they came down just as he left. He was lucky, the corridor along her quarters was clear. 

=/\=

Kathryn stirred softly in her sleep with a sigh. She felt no pain anywhere, especially in her back. She was ready to fall back to sleep when her captain mode shifted into gear. 

"Computer, time?" she groaned. 

"01030 hours," it said. 

She groaned, the Doctor would be arriving shortly. She slowly rolled over onto her back rubbing her face, and then opened her eyes. The cabin was dim and quiet and she could smell the light scent of the lilies in the air. She smiled thinking of Chakotay's gesture, and then wondered what time he left. 

She also realized it had been several days since her last shower. Chakotay was polite enough not say anything to her whether or not she needed one, but she had a feeling she didn’t smell like roses.

So she slowly sat up now determined to take a shower, before the Doctor arrived. She swung her legs over the side, pulled her robe on, and stood up. She found her legs still slightly weak and used the side of the bed for support. 

Once she was in her bathroom she managed to undress and set the shower. She stepped inside using the wall as support and let the warm water run over her head and back. During this brief soak, she saw her Borg twin stare back at her and she shuddered with a gasp trying to shake the image from her mind. 

It would always haunt her, this mission had a good cause, and the sacrifice she made. Would she ever feel normal again? 

She turned around letting the water run down her face and front. Then she picked up a soft body sponge, poured a small dollop of liquid soap on it and washed herself, then rinsed. As she did, she thought of her baths on New Earth and vaguely remembered the time Chakotay looked at her after she got out and was only dressed in a towel. 

Her body tingled slightly at the thought of how he looked at her. She felt the same attraction, but fought it since then. And wondered why she denied him and herself so long. 

She quickly washed her hair, rinsed, added conditioner, rinsed and then had the computer turn the water off. Her back wasn't hurting that much, but her legs felt weaker. She was afraid she’d collapse and knew the Doctor wouldn't be too happy with her knowing she was doing this. She lowered herself down on the closed commode focusing on her strength. She reached over to a dry, hanging towel, grabbed it, began to towel herself off, and dried her hair. She stood up, her legs a little steadier, she stepped over to her personal drawer and pulled out a clean pair of panties. She slipped them on, found a clean, fresh nightgown, and pulled it over her head. 

She turned to her sink/vanity, picked up her brush, and began smoothing her hair. Once satisfied with her personal comfort, she threw her soiled towel and clothing into the laundry chute and turned towards the doorway. 

The Doctor stood outside Kathryn's quarters and rang the chime. He heard her call him in and the doors opened. He walked in looking around the dim lit cabin, this wasn't like her. 

"Captain?" he inquired. 

"In here Doctor," she said. 

He headed towards her bedroom and was shocked to find her clinging to her bathroom doorway. "Captain what are you doing?"

"Holding up the wall?" she replied sarcastically. 

He groaned, put down the med-kit and walked over to her wrapping his arm around her waist supporting her. "You know you’re not supposed to be overexerting yourself. And I'm clearly disturbed that chose to ignore that order. Starship captains have a history of being the worst patients-“ 

"-Understood," she said firmly as they walked over to her bed and she sat down. "I was taking a shower, since it had been days since I've had one." She sat up against the pillows he propped up for her. "My legs have been feeling kind of weak. That's not because of the implants, is it?" 

He was scanning her while reading his tricorder, "hmmm...I wouldn't think so, but even with all my Borg implant knowledge, this could be new. It could just be a temporary side effect. But I suggest you don't walk for another day for so to see if it gets any worse. Your back, however, is healing nicely." 

"It does feel better," she said. 

"Well, here's a mild painkiller," he said injecting it into her neck. "But I think you'll be back to duty shortly, if this leg weakness goes away. So stay put Captain." 

"Yes, Doctor," she said and he packed up his kit and left. 

Shortly later, Neelix arrived with her breakfast. 

=/\=

Chakotay arrived on the bridge still feeling sluggish after a shower and breakfast. Harry stood up seeing him and noticed how tired he looked, but didn't say anything. 

"Good morning, Commander," he said. 

"Good morning, Harry," he replied and stifled a yawn. "Report?" 

"No Borg activity," he told him, handing him the ship's status report. "And the repair teams are back to work, we're back to sixty percent efficiency." 

"The captain will be happy to hear that," he said scanning the report. 

"How is she?" 

"Good, wants to be on duty," he replied, "but not completely healed." He looked at him, "why don't you go pay her a visit? She should be up by now-" 

"-I'm not sure-" 

"-Harry, she'd like the company," Chakotay said reassuringly. "Don't worry."

"Alright,” he said with a sigh. "I'll see you in a few hours, sir," and he walked off the bridge. 

That’s when Tom turned around and saw what Chakotay looked like, he frowned. "Geez, Chakotay, where'd you sleep? A jefferies tube?" 

He looked over at him, "I fell asleep sitting up all night. Dozed off, the next thing I knew it was morning. How's B'Elanna?"

"She's sleeping," he replied, "but better. She'll allow visitors tomorrow most likely." 

"That's good," he turned and walked over sitting in Kathryn's chair. He continued to read the report. Then he said, "have all departments send in their daily reports in an hour for the captain to review," he told the ensign at operations. 

"Aye sir," he said. 

=/\=

Both Neelix and Kathryn were talking when her door chime rang. "Come," she said, she had also turned up the lights in the cabin. Neelix waved someone in and Harry appeared in her doorway, "Harry, what a pleasant surprise." 

"Captain. Neelix," he said and saw Kathryn sitting up and having breakfast. "Oh, I'm sorry, did I interrupt -?"

“-No," Kathryn said shaking her head, now happy despite the Doctors scolding about her shower earlier. "Please, sit. How was Beta shift?" 

He shrugged, "quiet, nothing unusual." He sighed, "how are you feeling Captain?"

"Aside from my aching back," she replied, "and some weak legs, pretty good." In addition, she smiled at him, and then sighed, "but if everything is okay and the Doctor pronounces me fit, I should be back on the bridge in two days." 

Hairy nodded and sat down on another nearby chair. He stared at her, his first captain right out of the academy and now with the time spent together on their journey home, most likely his only - he'd never want to serve with anyone else. She was the occasional mother he had waiting for him in the Alpha Quadrant and his friend. He respected her tremendously and the decisions she had to make daily to protect his life, the ship and the rest of the crew. She was a strong, independent and compassionate woman that deserved her own happiness, but forewent it for the good of her crew. 

He sighed, "I'm very happy you came back to Voyager, Captain." 

Kathryn smiled softly, "I am to Harry, very much." 

He sat there for a few more moments, then said, "I should go," and stood up. 

"Ensign?" she said puzzled glancing at Neelix who shrugged. 

"Ah - it's nothing," Harry said, "it's just that I'm pulling split-shifts this week and I should really go rest." 

Kathryn nodded, "of course Harry, thanks for visiting." Harry nodded, gave a quick smile to both her and Neelix, then left quickly. 

Neelix was puzzled, "why did he leave so quickly?" 

Kathryn picked up her coffee and took a sip, then said, "well think of it this way Neelix. What if you visited your recovering commanding officers quarters and expected to find her out and dressed, but instead the complete opposite and still in bed? Wouldn't you be just a little uncomfortable?" 

He nodded, "I understand," and noticed she was finished. He sighed and stood up, "well if you'll excuse me Captain, but I should get lunch ready." 

"Fine, and thank you Neelix," she said as he took her tray, left her coffee and walked out to her living area, folded up the tray and took the dishes with him. 

She sat there for a moment, and then picked up a padd that had the department status reports on them. 

=/\=

Between the time she had breakfast and before lunch, Kathryn received a steady stream of visitors. Including Ensign Wildman and Naomi who gave her a get well card created by her own hands. Kathryn accepted it and was touched at the thoughtful card. She put it on her nightstand beside the flower. 

By the time lunch rolled around, she was grateful for the quiet. She rested her head back and closed her eyes for a moment. Her door chime rang and she moaned lifting her head, "who is it?" 

"Chakotay," was the reply. "Hungry?" 

She sighed, "come in," and opened the doors for him. He appeared a moment later and she raised her eyebrow at how tired he looked. "Busy?" 

He shrugged, "not too bad. Repairs are almost done." 

"Then why do you look so tired?" 

He smirked, "long story," and stepped over to her and kissed her gently. She responded and then he pulled away staring at her. "You look wonderful." 

"Thanks," she said, "the Doctor wasn't too pleased I took a shower." 

He nodded with a sigh, "I know, I read his report. He gave me specific instructions not to let you walk, unless it's to the bathroom. You're to be carried otherwise," she groaned, "hey, Doctors orders Kathryn. Just for a few days more." 

She sighed for a moment sensing a conspiracy, and then stared at him. "Fine, I won't fight it." She paused, "so what's for lunch?" 

"Plinkton root casserole," he replied. "Neelix assured me its good." 

"Long as it doesn't give me an upset stomach," she said. Then sighed, "bring it in." He smiled and walked out, "Chakotay did you bring me anymore reports?" 

"Yes," he replied from the other room and appeared with her tray. "Yes, some more status reports and some requisition details." He put the tray in front of her, "they're all in the pocket for you." He walked out, returned with his own plate, and sat in the chair next to her. 

She sat for a moment watching him and remembered how he fell asleep the night before. She smiled a little and said while eating, "I didn't know you snored." 

He glanced up, "what?" She nodded with a grin, "no I don't." 

"Yes you do -" 

He sighed,"-Kathryn-" 

"Chakotay," she said firmly, "I was there! We were talking one minute and the next thing I heard was your dull roar. But I didn't mind, you’re exhausted and you have a right to be. But did you sleep the whole night sitting up?" 

He stared at her, and then sighed with a nod, "yes." 

She frowned and sighed, "oh Chakotay I'm so sorry --" 

"-It wasn't your fault," he told her. "I fell asleep and the next thing I knew it was morning." 

"Well, I didn't even know you left," she said. 

"You were quite comfortable," he claimed. Then said somewhat shyly, "I found you lying across my chest. I didn't want to disturb you." 

She stared at him wanting to make a witty retort, but didn't. Instead she said, "well, just wake me the next time, okay?" 

He nodded, "okay." They smiled and continued to eat. Once done, they went over the various reports and she approved of some and offered suggestions on others. When they were done, he took the tray from her and the padd's back. Right before leaving he kissed her goodbye and told her he'd see her that evening. 

=/\=

By evening, Kathryn was finished with most of the reports except for one. She was going to call Neelix or a crewman to send them back to Chakotay, but Seven showed up for a brief visit and took them for her. 

She managed to use the bathroom a couple of times during that time period, her lower torso was still weak, but she managed to return to bed each time. 

When Chakotay showed that evening for dinner, he left the fixings on the table and walked into her bedroom. She had nodded off shortly before and he stood looking at her with a gentle smile. Instead of waking her, he turned and walked back out to the table and set up everything. When finished, he lit the candles and walked back to her. 

He then sat beside her and leaned over kissing her gently. After a moment, she opened her eyes with a sigh and she smiled, "hello there." 

He smiled, "hello. Sleep good?" 

She shrugged, "don't know. What time is it?" 

"1900 hours," he replied and stroked a piece of loose hair from her eye. 

She stretched, "well I guess I did for a bit. I finished up the reports, except this one from astrometrics. I finished around 1730 and Seven just happened to stop by around 1800. It must have been after that," she stared at him, "but I think you need more than me." 

"I'll be fine," he said, then, "hungry?" 

"Yes," she said and stretched her arms up over her head. "What's for dinner?" 

The image she just created stirred his desire. He didn't think she realized how seductive she looked at that moment. He fought it and swallowed, then said, "Neelix's version of beef stroganoff. I don't know if I want to find out what he used for beef." 

She laughed, "I can agree with you there. So are we going to eat or what?" 

"Yes," he said smiling, "come on -" 

She frowned at him, "-you know what the Doctor said." 

He nodded, "l know, come on,” he pulled her bedcovers back and slid her towards him. She gasped when he then lifted her up into his arms, they stared at each other. "I have a surprise for you."

She beamed, "a surprise?" 

"And I know just how much you love them," he said with a nod and stood up. She wrapped her arms around his neck and raised her eyebrow in amusement as he carried her out to the table. "Ready?" 

"Of course I am!" she said eagerly and he turned her around so she was facing the table, she sighed in awe, "oh Chakotay! It's lovely." 

"Just for you," he said and sat her down in a chair. 

Other than the candles that were lit, he had the food prepared on her white china plates, white linen napkins, silver that was polished to a shine and china cups for coffee. Her flowers were placed just off center so they could talk with the candles in between. 

During dinner, they chatted about ship's activities and possibly scheduling a shoreleave for the crew when repairs were completed. 

While he was talking, she picked up her coffee and as she did, she saw herself in the assimilation chamber again with a drone standing over her. She closed her eyes... 

"Kathryn?" he asked her noticing her face. “You alright?" 

She opened her eyes staring at him, after a moment she said, "I'm fine." 

He stared at her, her eyes weren't focused on him and she looked a little pale. He began to worry, he reached out touching her hand. "Kathryn you don't look well -" 

She put down her cup and looked at him this time. "I had a flashback, that's all." 

"It's expected I would think," he said stroking her hand soothingly. "Would you like to talk about it? I know we've been lacking a ship's counselor, but you know I'm a good listener." 

She smiled softly and took his hand in hers, "you are, I know that." She sighed closing her eyes, he in turn squeezed her hand gently. "I will - it's difficult–“ 

"-Take your time," he told her gently. 

She leaned forward after folding her other hand over his and rested her forehead against them. "I can still see my assimilation -feel it -" she shuddered fighting the tears. 

"It's okay," he said softly, "everything will be okay." She nodded hard, he pulled her closer to him by standing slightly. "Kathryn your one of the strongest, compassionate woman I've ever known. This will pass. I'm here for you and I'll always be here for you." 

“Chakotay," she whispered. "I can't tell you enough how thankful I am that you've been here." 

He smiled, "yes you have,” and he walked around to her and she stood up. He took her in his arms gently, enfolding her against him. She pressed her head against his shoulder as he stroked her hair and neck. They stood that way for several minutes, listening to each others breathing, and then he looked at her, "are you okay?" 

She nodded, "yes, thank you." 

"Come on," he said and wrapped an arm around her waist supporting her as they walked to the sofa. She sat down and then he did, she slowly curled against him. He wrapped his arm around her, "I want you to trust me with anything you tell me." 

She nodded, “I know." 

A couple of hours later, both were asleep in the same spot. 

=/\=

Kathryn stirred moaning in her sleep, "contact your ship...I've lost two voices in Spatial Grid 217, self-destruct...1,000,000 drones are dead because of you..."

Suddenly she opened her eyes screaming, "stop it! Chakotay! I can hear her!"

He woke up abruptly to her screams, he took her in his arms, "Kathryn, I'm here!" She still screamed, putting her hands to her face. "Kathryn it's okay! It's okay," and she stopped, uncovering her face gazing at him, she gasped as he held her. "I'm here," he said softly.

"The Queen," she finally said. "I was with the Queen again-" and a sob escaped her, she put her hand to her mouth to quiet. "Those drones –“

"-The mission was a success," he repeated to her firmly. “Now it's time for you to heal," she nodded with a sigh. "Perhaps you should go to bed, everything will be better in the morning." 

"I know," she said, "but will you stay here tonight?" 

"You sure?" he asked. 

She nodded, "yes please. I just need to have someone here with me-" 

He touched her face, "-I understand." Then sighed, "let me get a change of clothes, I'll be right back." He slowly stood up, she sat there, “don't move. I'll be right back, remember what the Doctor said." 

"I remember," she said, he stroked the side of her face, then left.

Kathryn sat there for several minutes, keeping the memory of the nightmare blocked. She focused her thoughts on other things while waiting for him to return. 

After twenty minutes, Chakotay still hadn't returned and she wanted to get back to bed. He most likely got delayed, so she slowly stood up to walk to the bedroom on her own. She was halfway there when she heard her doors slide open and then, "Kathryn! What did I tell you?" he wasn't happy seeing her like this. 

She sighed, "I'm fine Chakotay-" 

"You were impatient," he said putting down a small bag walking over to her. "I know you - come on," he wrapped his arm around her waist gently and she leaned against him. "Fine, huh?”

"So, I lied," she said defiantly.

He smirked, "you’re stubborn," and walked with her into the bedroom. She turned and sat down pulling herself all the way in. He saw her frown a little, "pain?" 

She nodded with a moan, "a little." 

"Should I-?" 

She shook her head, "-no, I'll be fine." He nodded as she rested against the pillows and he pulled the bedcovers over her. "You can change in the bathroom," he nodded, left to get his bag, then walked back and through to her bathroom and closed the door. A few moments later he appeared with the bag dressed in some black sweatpants and a black tee shirt. "Thank you Chakotay. You must be very tired."

"Anything for you," he told her gently and walked out, then a moment later returned. "Kathryn, extra blanket and pillow?" 

She nodded, "the closet," and pointed to it on the other end of the room. He walked over opening it and saw a folded Starfleet blanket and soft pillow on the shelf in a corner. He took them down, and then closed the closet. "Are you sure about this? That sofa isn't very comfortable." 

"It'll do," he replied. "Do you need anything?" 

She shook her head, "not right now. Go get some rest." 

He nodded and walked over to her, "goodnight Kathryn," and kissed her gently, she reached up touching the back of his neck. He shivered and pulled away as they gazed at each other. "Call me if you need anything," and he walked out. 

She sat quietly for a few moments and several minutes later saw her lights go out in the living area. Then decided, so her own bedroom light wouldn't disturb him, had the lights lowered and her reading light brightened above her head. She picked up the unfinished report and began reading. 

Shortly later she glanced at her chronometer, 2300 hours. She sighed putting the report down and listened for Chakotay's sleep sounds. She heard nothing, he was sleeping comfortably. She wanted to be on the bridge so he could rest. She yawned and then settled down slowly on her back, "computer, lights off," and they went out, she drifted off a little later. 

Out in Kathryn's living area on her sofa, Chakotay slept deeply and peacefully. Suddenly he heard screaming and woke up sitting upright in the dark. Kathryn. "Stop it! Stop it! Chakotay!"

"Kathryn!" he called out to her, "computer, dim lights," and they came up illuminating the cabin. He disentangled himself from the blanket, stood up and ran into her. She sat up with her face in her hands. 

"Kathryn, I'm here!" He got onto the bed next to her taking her in his arms. 

She calmed running her hands through her hair, making sure it was still there. Then sighed resting her head on against his shoulder. "Oh my god!" 

He stroked her hair gently, crooning to her and rocked her back and forth. "It's okay, everything will be okay." 

Her tears subsided and she wrapped her arms around his waist. She whispered, "I'm so happy your here Chakotay." 

He nodded, "I'm glad I am to." After several minutes, she sat up wiping her eyes, he stroked her face. "You okay now?" 

She shrugged, "I could be better." She groaned, "I hate being this way Chakotay! These nightmares are getting the best of me - I can't let that happen. How can I command if all I see when I close my eyes is my assimilation?" 

He thought for a moment then looked at her, "the best thing I can tell you is to consult your spirit guide. Then perhaps try meditating-" 

"-You sound like Tuvok!" she said. 

He sighed, "it's working for him." 

She sighed, "well, I'll try." They sat there quietly in the dim light, she then said, "Chakotay, can you stay right here with me? I don't want another nightmare." 

"Sure," he said and she pulled away and over to one side of the bed. He then joined her and slid beneath the bedcovers as he lay down beside her. He opened an arm to her and she curled into his arm laying her head on his shoulder. She absently entwined her leg with his and he muffled a gasp feeling his desire for her awaken. He forced it down, then said, "computer, lights off," and they went out. 

Kathryn lay against him trying to find sleep, but found it comforting how he held her hand and stroked her back. She sighed, "thank you for being here. I hate feeling this helpless."

“I understand," he said softly. "Perhaps being stuck in your quarters is getting tiring. You need to other parts of the ship other than these four walls."

"What do you suggest?" she asked curious. 

"I'll think of something," he sighed feeling sleep start to take him again. "Go to sleep Kathryn, everything will be okay." 

"Goodnight Chakotay," she said softly and closed her eyes. She heard his breathing grow more shallow and quieter and soon in a deep sleep. She smiled and fell asleep a little later. 

She didn't have another nightmare that night. 

Chakotay woke that next morning shortly before duty. He sighed opening his eyes in the darkened room. He felt Kathryn asleep in his arm still and he stroked her hair gently, she sighed in her sleep. He then slid out of bed and covered her arm up as well. 

He didn't think she'd mind if he used her shower, so he took advantage of it, then dressed feeling refreshed and awake for the first time in days. Right before leaving he leaned over her and stroked her face and hair gently. She sighed opening her eyes, he smiled, "I'm leaving. I'll see you at lunch." 

She nodded, "okay." 

He leaned down and kissed her gently, “I'll send the repair reports, ships status and anything else your way as soon as they're ready. Okay?" She nodded, "sleep well." He stroked her hair and then walked out and she drifted back to sleep. 

Since he had time before duty, he returned to his quarters to record his personal log. 

First Officer's Personal Log Stardate 53915.29 

I spent another night in Kathryn's quarters, but this time she asked me. She is apparently having nightmares of her time with the Borg and is having trouble sleeping. My presence is helping her it seems and I plan to be with her and support her as she recovers. 

I miss her on the bridge, although she has been running her end from her quarters. But I can't wait to see her step onto the bridge and take her rightful place. End. 

He then reported to duty. 

=/\=

"Captain?" said a voice in her sleep gently. "Captain Janeway? Wake up." Kathryn moaned softly, "that's right, it's time to wake up." 

She slowly opened her eyes, her vision blurred, she saw the blinking light of a medical scanner above her. She closed them again and then reopened them, rubbing her eyes. "Doctor?" she croaked. 

"The one and only," he replied. He sighed, "I'm surprised to find you still asleep Captain. I rang your door three times and got no answer. I was concerned, so I let myself in. I hope you don't mind?"

She shook her head, "no, not at all." She began to sit up slowly, a twinge of pain shot through her lower back, she winced. 

"Pain?" he asked noticing. 

She shrugged, “just a little." 

"Hmmm," he said and got a hypospray ready. "A little?" He injected her with the medicine. 

"Yes, 'a little'," she told him firmly. She sighed after a moment, "I had a bad dream earlier and it took some time to fall back to sleep." 

"Well, I'll think it'd be expected," he told her. "Therapy does wonders for that sort of thing, Captain." She stared at him with her usual glare, "Captain you deal with a lot of pressure each and every day, and after this mission to that cube? That added stress of being assimilated has added onto your daily wear. I know we don't have a counselor on board, but perhaps there's someone you can confide in? Seven? Or even Commander Chak-" 

"-I'll take it under advisement, Doctor," she said holding up her hand. "Thank you." He nodded with a shrug, she sighed, "how is B'Elanna and Tuvok doing?" 

"Lieutenant Torres," he replied, "is doing quite well actually. She's had some vocal cord soreness from that vocal subprocessor implant. Commander Tuvok was released to his quarters last evening and is most likely in deep meditation right now and refusing painkillers. He plans to be back to duty in a couple of days." 

She sighed, "I'm not surprised, Vulcan's are known for being stubborn when it comes healing themselves. He'll be fine Doctor, I know him well." 

"Stubborn is only one word I'd use," he said. "How do your legs feel?" 

She slowly moved them underneath the blankets. "Okay I suppose. But I won't know really until I stand." 

"Well, come on," he said and she groaned and turned back the covers. She slid over to the side and he waited as she slowly stood. "How’s that?" 

Kathryn stood for a moment, the weakness wasn't present. "So far, so good." 

"Walk with me," he told her gently and they stepped forward, he scanned her as they did so. "Well, your muscle strength is showing a higher tone, so it looks as if it might have been a side effect. How does it feel?" 

She concentrated, "better. I don't feel like I'm going to collapse." 

"That's good," they were in her living area. He noticed the blanket and pillow on the sofa. "Company last night?" 

She glanced at him, "you could say that." They turned and walked back towards her bedroom. "I'd like to return to duty tomorrow or the next day. Commander Chakotay needs to take some time off." 

"Well, that might be possible," he replied. "If anything you could do a half-shift. I still don't want you overdoing it." She then sat on her bed, he sighed inputting new information. "Well, Captain, you might want to consider taking a short walk somewhere, no touring the ship. But perhaps having dinner in the messhall would be a nice change." 

"Can I shower or take a bath?" 

"I don't see why not," he said. "I'll let Commander Chakotay know about your walking capability." He sighed, "I should go check on B'Elanna. Remember what I said Captain." He closed his medkit and walked out. 

Kathryn sat there quietly and then decided it was time for a bath. She stood up and walked into the bathroom turning on the lights. "Computer, run water in bathtub, medium temperature." And the faucet turned on, she slowly bent over and inserted the plug into the drain. She felt herself looking forward to this and opened a scented oil and bubble bath, and then poured some in. Moments later her senses were filled with the scent of lilac and rosemary. She inhaled the steamed scent and sighed in the pleasure. She then took off the nightgown and stripped. She picked up a hairclip and wound some on top of her head, then clipped it. She turned grabbing a fresh towel and put it beside the tub on a towel rack that was bolted to the side of the tub. She managed to submerge herself into the hot water with minimal discomfort. She sighed feeling the warmth penetrate her body and warm her muscles, joints and especially her back. She rested her head against the cushioned headrest and closed her eyes. 

She lay in the buoyancy of her water filled tub and she started to feel herself fall asleep. She let her mind drift back to the night before of lying in Chakotay's arms. She loved the feel of his arms around her, the strength he had in spirit, body and mind, it was comforting to be in his arms and feel that strength. She needed so much right now. She needed him... 

She shook her head getting rid of the image of him kissing her neck and throat. She groaned and took her body sponge and began washing her limbs and face. 

Up on the bridge, Chakotay was preparing the ship's status report and others for Kathryn's review. He sat in his chair writing his own and planning to visit the holodeck if he had the chance. 

The comm unit chirped, "engineering to bridge." 

"Chakotay here," he replied. 

"Sir, Lieutenant Carey," the voice said. “I need permission to take the long range sensors off-line. We detected a slight imbalance in the field generators.”

"How long?" he asked.

“I think at least a few hours," he replied. "I'll move as fast as I can."

"Okay, just give me an hourly update," he said. "The captain will want to know."

"Yes, sir," Carey said. "Engineering out." 

Chakotay finished the report and put it into the pocket for Kathryn's review. Everything was finally working its way back to normal, most repair work was completed, although occasional snags were showing up. He was ready to slow the ship down so the available crews could go outside and replace the damaged hull platings. 

When he had the chance, he went down to the holodeck. 

When she was finished with her bath, she managed to pull herself up and out of the tub without much pain. She wrapped the towel around herself and dried herself off, then brushed her hair out. Once done, she put on a fresh pair of panties, bra and walked out to her closet and opened her drawer. She decided to wear some sweat pants and tee shirt. 

She had just finished dressing and wandered out to her desk when her door chime rang. "Come," she said and Neelix entered carrying a stack of padds. "Neelix, good morning." 

"Morning? Captain," he asked puzzled. “Ah-I don't think-so." 

Kathryn smirked, "well it still is to me, even though I slept late. These for me?" 

He nodded handing them to her, "yes, they're from the commander." She took them and put them down on the desk. “I must say Captain, it's wonderful to see you up like this.”

She sighed, "I know. The Doctor has granted me minimal walking today. My back doesn't hurt as much as it did, so I decided to come out and join the real world." 

"Well, I'm happy to see you this way," he said. "Would you like anything to eat? Since you didn't have breakfast this morning." 

She shook her head, "no thank you. I'm a little hungry, but the commander will be bringing my lunch by shortly." 

"Coffee, then?" he asked. 

She smiled, and then touched his shoulder, "that is an excellent idea." 

"I'll get it for you," he told her, she nodded and walked over to her armchair with the padd's and slowly sat down. She slowly put her feet up on the footrest and pulled her woven blanket over her. He walked back over with her cup, she took it with a smile, "thank you." He stood for a moment, she looked up at him, "would you like to sit down?" She indicated to her other chair. 

Neelix sat down, "you know Captain, and the crew misses you." Kathryn stared at him over the rim of her coffee. “I mean, being in the messhall I hear a lot of talk. Your presence is missed there and the corridors. But they know your recovering, so they'll wait." 

"I'd be out there if I could," she said. 

He nodded, "oh, of course, they all know that. They just really care for you." 

Kathryn felt her throat tighten and it took a moment to swallow. She then said, some emotion heard, "they mean a great deal to me as well." Neelix smiled at her, and then stood up. "Lunch prep?" 

"Yes, ma'am," he said. "I hope to see you around," and patted her hand and walked out. She smiled and picked up a padd to read. 

Several hours later she was still reading when her door chime rang again. She sighed, "come," and her doors opened. "Chakotay!" she said pleased to see him with a smile. He walked over to her, "what time is it?" 

"About 1400 hours," he replied, "but I'm a little late. I wasn't sure if you went and had lunch without me. But it's nice to see you like this, the Doctor gave me the report. Are you hungry?" 

She put her padd down, "starved." 

"Are you up for a short walk," he asked her, "to the holodeck?" 

She raised her eyebrow, "the holodeck? Why?" 

"It's a surprise," he said and held out his hands, she reluctantly took them and he pulled her to her feet. They stared at each other, he kissed her gently. 

After a moment she whispered, "we can't let the crew see us like this." 

"Why not?" he asked. "I think everything will be fine, since they know your recovering, it won't matter." 

She touched his lower shoulder with a small smile, "what will I do without you? And you’re probably right, besides I'd love to take a walk."

"Come on," he said and wrapped his arm around her waist to support her. She wrapped hers around his and they walked out. 

As they walked towards the nearest turbo-lift, they passed a crewmember or two who greeted them pleasantly. 

"So repairs are almost done?" she asked him. 

"Pretty much," he replied. "The hull plating will be the last thing worked on, when we have enough qualified people to go outside and do the work." 

She nodded, "well, I'll leave that little detail up to you." He chuckled and they walked into the lift.

"Holodeck," Chakotay said and the lift dropped. 

"So what's the surprise?" she asked curiously. 

He shook his head, "oh no, I won't tell -"

"-Chakotay!" she said impatient. 

"Kathryn you just can't stand the anticipation," he said smiling. She moaned glaring at him and he squeezed her waist. They stared at each other and he gently kissed her, she responded. He felt her response and his heart swelled with the love he had for her. Her kiss was tender, but he felt an urgency in her growing. The lift began to slow, he pulled away from her and tenderly stroked the corner of her eye. 

"Kathryn what you do to me," he whispered tenderly. 

She was going to respond, but didn't because the lift came to a halt and the doors opened to a busy corridor. They walked out and everyone greeted her happily. She nodded to each of them, happy to be finally among her crew. 

When they arrived outside holodeck one, he touched the controls and said, "computer, run Chakotay River Four." 

"Program ready," the computer said. "You may enter when ready." The doors slid open. 

"Okay, close your eyes," he told her. 

She sighed, "Chakotay-" 

"-Appease me Kathryn," he said gently. She stared at him, and then finally did. "Come on," he led her in by holding her hand. "No peeking-" 

"-I'm not!" she said anxiously and they entered. She felt a warm breeze, heard birds and some running water. Water? He was leading her somewhere, down a path it felt like and they were getting closer to the water. He stopped them, she waited. 

"Okay, open your eyes," he told her. 

Kathryn slowly opened them to sunlight, blue sky and found herself along the bank of the river that was on New Earth. “Oh-Chakotay, it's wonderful! This is the river on New Earth, isn't it?" 

He nodded, "yes, I remember how much you liked sitting alongside it and we never got that chance to ride in the canoe that I designed. But we're here for lunch," and he walked her over to a dressed table with white lace, white linen napkins and a long, slim candle in the center. "I thought this would be a nice diversion from your quarters or the messhall." 

"Thank you," she said softly and gazed up at him. "It's so thoughtful of you to do this." She reached up touching his face. He took her hand and kissed it gently, she closed her eyes. He was kissing her inner wrist and she gently spread her fingers along the side of his face. Then he kissed her again and she responded taking his face in her hands. 

The kiss deepened and they felt their heartbeats merge as soon as she pressed her body to his. His body reacted as he felt his passion and love for her extend to every nerve in his body and he wondered if she could tell through his uniform. 

But he realized they had to stop, although he wanted the passion to consume them. This wasn't the right time, he wanted it to be special when it finally did, and he was worried about her back. He kissed her face, "Kathryn, my Kathryn," he whispered. "How I've loved you for so long! I was so worried you wouldn't come back from that cube." 

She wrapped her arms around him, clinging to him feeling the tears well in her eyes. This program felt like home, being in his arms felt like coming home. "Chakotay I thought of you all the time," she whispered. 

He then gazed at her as she traced his face, his tattoo, her touch sent threads of desire through him. He didn't want to stop, but they had to. He took her hand in his, he smiled at her gently, "we have to stop, this isn't what I planned." 

She sighed and nodded, "I know, but Chakotay-" 

"-Kathryn," he told her lovingly and firmly. "I only have one hour and I'd rather make love to you for the first time all night, not in an hour’s time." He sighed, "come on, let's eat, we have to talk," and he took her hand walking over to the table. He pulled out her chair and she sat down. Then he walked around and sat in his own chair, "computer, enable waiter."

"Waiter?" she asked shocked and a formally dressed waiter appeared at the table. "Chakotay, a waiter?" She smiled, "that's a nice touch." 

"Would you like some white wine,” he asked her as the waiter picked up the bottle from the bucket located on a stand next to the table. 

"Synthehol, right?" she asked. 

He nodded, "of course." 

"That would be fine," she said, he nodded to the waiter who poured them each a glass. "So what's for lunch?" 

"Neelix prepared lasagna with some salad," he told her. "He made the sauce from tomatoes grown in the airponics bay." He nodded to the waiter who walked away and Neelix was waiting nearby with the food. He gave the waiter the food and quietly left. 

Once lunch was served they talked about various crewmembers, and other ship business. The lasagna was good, they were surprised to find it was pretty close to the real thing. 

When they were finished, he put their plates aside and reached out taking her hand in his gently. 

He sat there looking at her, then sighed, “Kathryn I think we need to have that talk now." 

She nodded, "yes, I know.” 

He sighed, "I know we've had our arguments in the past, especially regarding the Equinox and bringing Seven on board, but I also know we've had some wonderful times together. You've been my captain, my friend and what's happening now between us is wonderful. I've wanted this since New Earth – remember what you said before leaving for the cube?" 

She nodded, "yes I do." 

"I know what I feel for you," he said. "But I need to know your decision." 

She stared at him, and then sighed, "Chakotay these past two nights you have stayed with me have been comforting, especially last night. I don't know how I would have handled that nightmare without you there." She paused, “so now I think having a relationship is a good idea, non-hologram." He smiled, she then took his hand, "I wouldn't mind you being there every night." 

"Kathryn I wanted to be there,” he said. "But I also don't want to be a pillow."

"I'm not asking you to be," she said with a hint of seductiveness she rarely showed. Then she sighed, "what will the crew think?" 

He squeezed her hand gently, "Kathryn I don't care-" she began to give him that look. He moaned softly, “okay I do in a way, but they'll accept it, if you show you do. You don't have to make an announcement if we decide to do this." 

She shrugged, "I know-" then paused, “Let me think about it for a short time more and I'll let you know." She paused again, "you've been so wonderful to me Chakotay, even in my periods of madness, but you were doing your job and I know that. I just don't want you to think that if this happens, you have to agree with me all the time." 

He chuckled, "don't worry. I won't let that happen." 

She smiled, and then said, "what time is it? Shouldn't you be on the bridge?" 

"Yes, I should," he replied with a nod. "But we had to talk," he stood up. "Come on, I'll walk you back to your quarters." She stood up slowly and winced feeling a small ache form in her lower back. "Are you okay?" 

She breathed slowly waiting for it to subside, she nodded, "yes." He took her hand and they exited the holodeck. "What about the dishes?" 

"Neelix said he'd clean up," he told her. "He should be down any minute," he stopped at the control panel. "Computer, end program," and they walked towards the lift. She felt the ache growing, but ignored it. Although she absently reached for his elbow for better support. 

As they neared the lift, Naomi and Seven walked around the opposite corner. "Captain Janeway!" Naomi said happily.

She smiled at the young child who had only known Voyager since birth. "Hello Ms. Wildman, how are you today?" 

"Pretty good," she replied simply. "Seven and I were just going to play some Katascot, would both you and Commander Chakotay like to join us?" 

Chakotay and Kathryn smiled glancing at each other, he saw the glow that Kathryn took when in the presence of Naomi Wildman. She was enchanted with children and was very fond of Naomi, as himself and everyone on board. He somehow wished he could give her a child someday, they were still along way from home and it would complete the bond and love they had for each other. 

He sighed, "well I can't, although I would love to, but I need to get back to the bridge. After I see the captain back to her quarters.” 

"Perhaps another time," Seven said studying Kathryn. She was sensing some discomfort in the captain, but wasn't letting it show in Naomi's presence. “Naomi and myself will see the Captain back, Commander. So you may return to the bridge." 

He looked at Kathryn and kind of wished he would finish bringing her back so he could give her a kiss before returning back to duty. But he didn't want too seem too eager, so he allowed Seven and Naomi to bring her back. 

"Very well," he said, she glanced at him letting him know she agreed. "I'll see you at dinner, Captain. Naomi and Seven," he nodded walking away. 

"Come, Captain," Seven told her firmly taking her arm gently. She felt Kathryn's slight tremor of holding some pain in. 

"Thank you, Seven,” she said and they all headed for the lift. She knew Seven was capable of compassion, had seen it briefly, but now was feeling it. The ache wasn't going away, she then felt Seven's arm around her waist. They entered the lift, "Captain's quarters." 

Soon as Kathryn was back in her quarters, Seven had Naomi return to her quarters to set up the game. She watched her walk slowly over to her armchair and sit down slowly. "Captain, you don't look well. Perhaps I should call the Doctor?" 

Kathryn raised her hand, "that's okay Seven, I'll be fine." 

"Captain Janeway," Seven said firmly. "I really think-" 

She sighed, "-Seven your concern is noted. I'm just a little tired, if I need assistance I'll call the Doctor." 

Seven stared at her and knew the look she was being given, she had seen it before. She backed off, "very well. I shall let you rest," and turned to leave. 

"Seven," Kathryn said and she stopped waiting. "Thank you for your concern." She nodded curtly and left. She then put her feet up on the footrest, rested her hand on her head, and closed her eyes. 

An hour and a half later she woke with a start and the pain growing from an ache to a dull sharp throbbing. She groaned reaching behind and winced, she tried to will it away, but it didn't leave. She sighed, knowing she had to call the Doctor, just when she was almost better. 

She sighed and tapped her commbadge, "Janeway to sickbay." 

"Sickbay here," said Tom, apparently he was on duty. "What can I do for you captain?" 

"My back hurts Mr. Paris," she said. "Is the Doctor available?" 

"He's attempting to see Tuvok," he replied. "But I'll be right there, Paris out.” 

She sat there and tried adjusting herself so she'd be more comfortable. A few minutes later her door chime rang, "come in,” and he entered carrying a medkit. "That was quick." 

"Don't keep a patient," he said, "waiting who's in pain. Doctors rules." He walked over to her and kneeled next to her taking out the medical tricorder. "How are you otherwise, Captain?" 

"Pretty good," she said. 

He studied her, keeping his visit clinical at the moment. "Here, sit forward please," she refused his hand and he moved the footrest, she slid forward so her back was accessible. He sighed, "well, I think it might be a muscle spasm, but the Doctor could make a better diagnosis. I'll give you another painkiller for now, if it keeps up, I'll let the Doc take a look." She nodded as he administered the painkiller, not in her neck, but in her mid-back. She sighed feeling it take effect. "There, how's that?” 

"Better,” she replied, "thank you." He smiled at her while putting everything away, "how is B'Elanna doing Tom?"

"Good,” he said, "she plans to be back on duty in two days. Took a walk herself today, although she was tempted to go to engineering." 

"Mr. Carey has it under control," she said. 

He nodded, "yes and she knows that, but would rather be there herself."

"I know the feeling," she said, he stood up. "I'm going to try to be on the bridge for a half shift tomorrow, or at least the next day." 

“Well, I'll let the Doc know," he told her, "and we'll see what he says. If you'll excuse me Captain?" 

"Of course," she said with a nod, and he walked out. A few minutes later she managed to stand, the ache was minimal. She walked to her desk and sat down picking up a new padd report to review. 

A few hours later she sighed when her door chime rang, she stretched a little, "come," and the doors slid open. She saw Chakotay walk in and she smiled, “well hello. Alpha shift over?" 

He nodded, "yes and so are you." He stood in front of her desk, instantly he saw she looked a little tired and somewhat drained. "Put down the report Kathryn-" 

“-A moment Chakotay," she said and he sighed with a nod. Then a few minutes later, she put it down looking at him. “Okay." 

He saw her stand slowly, “are you okay Kathryn? You look a little tired-“ 

She nodded, "-yes," and he saw her tremble and reached out taking her arm. He gently guided her from behind and she stood in front of him, he stroked her arms. “I think I might have overdone it today." 

"Maybe," he said gently staring at her. “Are you hungry?” 

She nodded, "a little." 

"Are you up for a walk to the messhall?" he asked. 

She thought about her backache and didn't want to aggravate it. She sighed, "if you don't mind, I think I'd rather not. I want to conserve my energy so I can at least do a half shift tomorrow." 

Although Chakotay was surprised at her announcement, he knew he shouldn't be. Her stubbornness was the best part of her sometimes. He sighed, “do you think that's wise? Did the Doctor approve?" 

She then glared at him, "I'll go if I feel up to it-" she began to walk away from him. 

He gently pulled her back to him, "-Kathryn I'm sorry for being so overprotective, but you mean a lot...to me." 

She stared at him, "I know," and he leaned over and kissed her gently. She responded sliding her arms around his waist. After a moment, he slid his hands up to her neck stroking her jawline, and then he kissed her eyes and face. She sighed, "so, what shall we have for dinner?" 

He smiled at her tenderly, "well, since you'd rather stay here, I have some extra rations for the replicator or I can call Neelix and have him deliver.”

"What's on the menu?" she asked and they walked over to her sofa. He folded up the blanket and put that and the pillow on the ledge above. 

"Chicken cacciatore,” he replied letting her sit first. "Although I don't think I want to know what he's using for chicken.”

She laughed softly, “good point,” and then remembered how she used to love that dish. "Why not, I'm willing to give it a try." 

He nodded with a smile, "fine with me." He tapped his commbadge, "Chakotay to Neelix." 

“Neelix here, commander," he said, the faint sounds in the background showed he was busy. 

"Soon as you’re available,” he said, "can you bring two of tonight's dinners up to the captain?” 

"Of course," Neelix replied. "Neelix out." 

He stared down at her," would you like a massage? You look as if you could use one." 

"Since your offering," she said. 

He sat down next to her, “the back?" She nodded, sat forward and he placed his hands on her lower back beginning to gently kneed her muscles. She groaned in the pleasure, "feel good?" 

“Oh, wonderful," she said and leaned forward closing her eyes. His fingers traveled up a bit further, she then wrapped her arms around her legs fully exposing her back to him. He reached where the ache was coming from, "there-" 

“Here?" he asked her, she nodded and he complied, 

After several minutes she moaned, "Chakotay you have magic fingers.” 

He grimaced, and then said simply, "well, their also good for other things." 

She let him continue for a moment, and then slowly straightened, pushing her hair out of her eyes. She glanced at him, "perhaps I'll get a chance to find out.” He began to smile, and she did as well. Before it could continue, her door chime rang. “Who is it?" 

"Neelix," was the reply. 

"Just a minute," she said as Chakotay moved away from her and she straightened her hair. She breathed, he sat in a chair at the table letting her compose. Although he saw the desire in her eyes, he knew she was trying to erase that look. A second later she sat slowly back, "come in," and the doors slid open. Neelix walked in carrying a tray with two covered dinners on it and some salad.

“Let me take that," Chakotay said standing, taking the tray from Neelix, knowing the tray must be heavy. 

"Thank you, commander," he replied, as it was taken from him. He turned to Kathryn who sat on the sofa, "good evening Captain, how are you?" 

She smiled, "quite well, thank you Neelix," she slowly stood up, the ache was at a minimal it seemed for a moment. She put her hands on her hips walking over. “That smells wonderful Neelix." 

"Well, I hope you both enjoy it," he told them. He saw Chakotay lighting some candles and sensed they wanted to be alone. “Well, if you'll excuse me, but I've still got a roomful. I'll pick the dishes up in the morning," and he walked out. 

Kathryn stood there holding the back of the chair in thought watching him leave. Chakotay walked around to her and slid his arms around her waist gently, “Chakotay-" 

"-Hmmm?" he murmured into her hair. 

"Do you think Neelix knows?" she asked curiously. 

"Knows what?" he asked softly and placed a kiss on the back of her neck. 

She sighed stroking his hands, "about us Chakotay?" 

He then turned her into his arms and touched her chin, “don't think he minds. In fact, it looks as if he might approve. Now let's eat before it gets cold," she nodded and pulled away. He pulled out her chair for her and she sat down, he uncovered her plate and put it in front of her, then put his down. He then sat down, "oh, coffee," and stood up and stepped over to the replicator, "computer, one carafe of coffee," and it appeared. He picked it up and two cups walking over and put the cups down, then poured them each a serving. 

Throughout dinner they reminisced their times in the Delta Quadrant, the happier times. They remembered when Tom and Harry first started reprogramming Tuvok's holo-programs. Although her young officer’s managed to get more talented in covering their tracks, she could tell when Tuvok was getting annoyed, even though he'd never admit to it. 

He watched her laugh, how her face lit up when she did. She carried such confidence, strength and a genuine good spirit within her. Her eyes became bluer and skin almost luminescent.

The mood was light and both were feeling good. He sighed, hoping what he was about to say wouldn't break the mood. “That's what I love about you Kathryn, your laugh do you know you just light up when you do?" 

She stared at him, touched by what he said. She sighed, "oh, Chakotay, that was very nice," and she reached out taking his hand. "You've been so patient and wonderful to me. You mean so much to me and I appreciate everything, your friendship and...love." She stopped for a moment, then sighed, "I just want to be sure we're doing the right thing." 

He then took her hand gently, "yes we are Kathryn. We're still 30,000 light years from home, we could get home next week, a month or even thirty years from now. Why should you deny yourself happiness during this time while the rest of the crew goes on with their lives?" 

She looked down, "a captain's life isn't ever easy Chakotay. If we weren't stranded out here in the Delta Quadrant, I'd most likely be married to Mark right now. And...we would have never really gotten to know each other." 

"And we would never have-" he said and stopped letting the rest float in the air. 

She nodded understanding, "I have to get this crew home Chakotay, that's the most important thing I have to consider. Not the fact that I need an intimate relationship or to fall in love-" 

"-Kathryn!" he said firmly raising his voice. "Don't change the subject. I know what your main concern is, it's both of ours. Don't make excuses -I believe we're going to get home, that you will be the one who'll find the way. Your the most strongest and willful woman I know, that's why I love you so much." 

"Chakotay," she whispered. She waited a moment, and then said, "I just need a little more time." She realized she had been sitting for awhile and was a little uncomfortable, so she pushed her chair out and slowly stood up. He watched her walk towards the sofa, “a cane would work wonders," she announced, the ache was still there. 

He then stood up and walked over to her, they were quiet. He finally said, "so will you be okay tonight or would you like some company?" 

She slowly sat down looking up at him, "well I know I have to deal with the nightmares, and they'll most likely go away. But maybe just one more night?"

"Fine," he said sitting down beside her. He pulled the pillow down and propped it up in the corner, then sat against it pulling her with him. She curled against him, "does your back still hurt?" 

"A little," she replied resting her head on his shoulder. He touched the area and with the remaining hand began to massage the area. She closed her eyes and felt herself begin drifting off to sleep. 

An hour later both were sleeping peacefully. He stirred softly opening his eyes finding Kathryn in a deep sleep curled against him. He found himself wanting to get a little more comfortable and he managed to put his legs along the sofa, lifting her petite frame against his broader one. She sighed stretching out alongside him, resting her head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes falling back to sleep.

=/\= 

Several hours later he woke again wanting to move, his body felt stiff. He felt her weight against him and liked the feel of it, but it required more comfortable surroundings.

"Kathryn," he said softly, "wake up." She moaned softly, he sighed, "Kathryn it's time for bed." 

"This is fine," she replied in her sleep. 

He smiled, then sighed, "no it's not." Her face was rested in the crook of his neck and shoulder. He tilted her chin up and gently kissed her. 

Kathryn was dreaming, she was comfortable in his arms. She felt him kissing her, but it was a dream, so she responded back. It became deeper and she felt his heartbeat match her own. 

He slid his hands down her sides caressing gently and over her back. The kiss was becoming deeper and more urgent. He didn't know if she was awake or not, but there was a chance it could go further. He felt his loins tighten and press against his trousers, he wondered if she could tell. 

"Kathryn-" he whispered, "wake-" she was kissing his throat. He groaned, "up." 

Kathryn felt his hands caressing her, she heard him talking to her. She didn't want to stop, she wrapped her arms around him slowly opening her eyes, and they stared at each other. "I've missed this for so long Chakotay-" she took his face in her hands stroking the sides. 

"-I know Kathryn," he said tenderly, she kissed him again. He kissed her back, his desire for her was coursing through his veins. He stroked her hair and face, "Kathryn, it's still too soon-“

"-Seven years Chakotay," she whispered. "We've known each other for seven years. I think its okay," and kissed him deeply again. 

"Kathryn," he said again gently and managed to finally take her face in his hands gazing at her. "I don't want it to happen this way, least of all on your sofa. I love you, but our first time should be special, please. When you're recovered we'll be able to do this right." She sighed, he smiled brushing her hair out of her face. "I want you to, God knows I've wanted you for years- you’re so damn beautiful, and it’s just got to be right. Come on," he slowly sat up, "I should change." 

She stared at him, noticing his uniform jacket was mussed and hair slightly in disarray. "Your right," she finally said and slowly stood. "I let my hormones get the best of me. I'll change as well." 

He watched her turn and walk towards her bedroom. He stood up, "the command shift will be switching to Gamma in two days. Will you be ready?" 

Kathryn smirked finding his change of subject amusing. She put her hand on her hip and slightly turned towards him. "Yes, even with a cane," and walked into the bedroom. He smiled and unzipped his jacket, putting it on the sofa. 

When he was changed, he walked over to her bedroom and stopped just inside. She was in her nightgown and already in bed. She was propping a pillow behind her, "you okay?" 

She nodded with a sigh, "yes." She studied him dressed in his t-shirt and sweatpants, "are you really comfortable on the sofa?" He shrugged, she frowned, "Chakotay I wouldn't mind you next to me tonight, and I don't have the nightmares." 

"Kathryn-" he said unsure, and she glared at him. He sighed with a nod, "okay." 

"I promise I'll behave," she told him and slid over giving him room. He walked over and slid beneath the bedcovers next to her. They slid down against the pillows and she moved into his arms. "Goodnight Chakotay." 

"Goodnight," he said, then, “computer, lights out," and the cabin went dark. Both fell into a deep sleep. 

That same time in B'Elanna's quarters, she lay in Tom's arms quietly. He was exhausted from both shifts in sickbay and the bridge. He sighed and smiled in the dark thinking of what he heard and a quiet laugh escaped. She lifted her head, "Tom, what's so funny?" 

He paused, and then shrugged, "it’s not really funny, but actually amazing." 

"What?" 

"You won't believe it," he told her. 

Then she slowly propped herself up on his chest, "believe what?" 

He sighed, "alright, but promise you won't say anything?" 

She growled, "Tom will you spill it!" 

He reached up brushing her hair out of her eyes, "Chakotay has a girlfriend." 

B'Elanna frowned at the answer, "what? He does not." 

Tom nodded, "oh yes he does-" 

She was interested, "-he does? Who is it?" He didn't answer, "Tom, you've told me this much, you've got to tell me the rest. I promise I won't say anything. Haven't I kept secrets before?" 

"B'Ella, think about it," he told her.

She lay there in thought, and then started talking out loud, "well Seska was the last real romance and we both know how that turned out? He's had close relationships with several women, but they're all much younger than him and as well as I know him, he wouldn't have anything more than a friendship. Then there's the command staff, and the only women there are the Captain and myself and we can forget Seven-" she stopped gazing down at him, "no?" 

"First you tell me," he said. 

She thought, “but their just friends. She's his best friend...Not the Captain!" Tom nodded, she sighed, "oh my God! Are you sure?" 

He shrugged, "well, Neelix has been busy bringing them dinner in her quarters since recovering and tonight he saw Chakotay light some candles. I promised not to tell anybody. You know how fast rumors spread on this ship." 

She sighed, "are they - you know?" 

"Don't know," he replied with a shrug. "But in her current condition I don't think so." 

"How long has this been going on?" 

"Not for long," he said. "I mean, they've been real close since staying on that planet a few years back, but they also have had some disagreements. I think this past mission changed all that."

She thought for a moment, and then nodded, "I can understand why. But I know Chakotay fairly well, he'd want to keep it discreet as well as the Captain. So if this is true, we'd better not say anything." 

"I know," he said and yawned. “Oh, goodnight B'Elanna.” 

She rested her head back down, putting her head on his shoulder. "Goodnight," and closed her eyes slowly drifting off to sleep.

The next morning, Chakotay stirred quietly opening his eyes. He sighed rubbing his face and then gazed down finding Kathryn still in the same position, curled against him and in a deep sleep. He stroked her back gently, she moaned softly, but didn't wake. He slowly slipped out of bed to shower and dress for duty. Beforehand, he pulled the bedcovers over her, then walked out to the living area and picked up his used uniform and shook it free of wrinkles. If he had the chance, he'd go to his quarters and change into a fresher one. He took them into the bathroom with him, showered quickly, then dried himself off and dressed. 

Once he was finished, he headed out with his sweatpants and t-shirt. He folded them neatly up and tucked them under her sofa cushion. Then he walked back into her and kissed her gently goodbye and left. 

A few hours later Kathryn stirred softly opening her eyes. She felt some gentle hands on her back and sides, Chakotay's hands. She moaned softly, "Chakotay-" and the feeling stopped. She sighed somewhat disappointed and lifted her head more awake. "Chakotay?" No answer, then she realized she was dreaming of him. Her body felt so alive by his touch from the night before. She groaned burying her head in the pillow, she wanted him now more than ever. 

Stop it! She told herself, you’re going on the bridge for the first time in a week! You can't let the crew see you lusting after your first officer! 

She closed her eyes and breathed in slowly, focusing on duty. But felt in the back of her mind his hands on her bare flesh, his mouth exploring parts of her which hadn't been caressed in years... 

Kathryn! She scolded to herself, stop it! 

At that moment she decided to get up and take a shower, but seriously considered a cold one considering her frame of mind. She slowly got out of bed, the ache was still there, but tolerable. 

She walked into her bathroom slowly and said, "computer, activate sonic shower," and heard it start up. She walked up to her sink and stared at herself in the mirror, she sighed and then pulled out the wash basin to activate the water flow. She began to wash her face and neck. Once done she removed her nightgown and slipped into the shower. 

Her mind began to turn towards work and she began to feel excited. She stepped out with a renewed vigor and dressed into her uniform trousers, tankshirt and then pulled on her turtleneck and zipped up the back. She tucked the shirt into her trousers and walked back to her bathroom and brushed her hair, tucked the long strand behind her ear and began applying her makeup. 

Once done she stared at herself for a moment. She didn't see a Borg drone staring back at her anymore, but a beautiful, middle-aged starship captain and...a woman in love. She sighed finally relieved she could admit that to herself. She was in love with him, her whole body knew it, and it just took time for her heart and mind to catch up. 

She smiled wryly and turned walking out to her living area and sat down at her desk to finish the reports from the day before. She was working for several minutes when her door chime rang, she sighed, "come in." The doors slid open and Neelix entered, "good morning Neelix." 

Neelix found her dressed partially for duty and already sitting at her desk. He smiled and also noticed her relaxed state, "why good morning Captain. I must say you look wonderful." 

"Thank you," she replied, he walked over picking up the dinner dishes. "I'm all charged up for duty today, even though," she sighed, "it's to be a half day. I still can't wait to get up there.” 

"I'm sure everyone will be happy to see you," he told her. "I'll be back with your breakfast. Would you like some coffee?" 

"Please," she said, he nodded and went over to her replicator. He got the coffee and brought it over to her, “thank you Neelix." 

He nodded, "I'll be back shortly," and left. 

She was reading a report when her door chime rang a little bit later. Knowing it wasn't Neelix with her breakfast, she figured it was the Doctor. "Come in," she said slightly distracted. 

"Why Captain, it's good to see you up," the Doctor said walking in. He wasn't just carrying his medkit this time, but a wooden cane. He leaned it against her desk, she smiled at him while reading a report. "Mr. Paris tells me of that pain in your lower back, how is that?" 

"Tolerable," she replied. 

He nodded and opened the medkit, “well let's have a look, shall we?" 

"Doctor I'm really busy," she told him. 

"Captain if you want my approval," he said firmly, "of going to duty, I suggest you-" 

She sighed putting down the report, "-fine. I get the idea Doctor. What would you like me to do?" 

"Stand up please," he asked her, she did slowly trying to disguise the slight pain in her back. He noticed raising his eyebrow and used his tricorder to determine the problem. She leaned a little on the desk, "hmmm...well I can't seem to determine why that pains you, that's odd. I can give you a painkiller to get by for your shift." 

"That's fine," she nodded and he injected her lower back. She felt it almost disappear, "thank you, can hardly feel it." 

"Just don't overdue it," he told her, she sat down again. "And Mr. Paris told me you wanted a cane to use, which I have brought." She gazed over as he held it up, "it has been precisely adjusted to your height, I'm pleased to say." 

"Thank you, Doctor," she said. 

He nodded, "yes, well Captain don't overdue it today. I'll check up on you later on when your shift is over. Have a good day," he walked out. She returned to her report.

=/\=

During that same time on the bridge, Chakotay was preparing for Kathryn's return after lunch. They had finally came to a full stop and the first two repair crews donned protective environmental suits and went outside the ship to replace the damaged hull plating alongside the saucer section. 

He had the reports coming in for her to read. He then remembered to check and see if her ready room was neat, since the last time she was there was the night before the mission. He told Harry he'd be in there straightening up. 

Once he stepped inside, he scanned the room and saw her coffee set strewn across the floor on the upper level around the coffee table. He sighed and stepped up putting it all neatly back on the table. 

But something was missing, he looked around and noticed her white china teacup rolled onto its side on the far side of the level. He walked over and picked it up gently. He smiled when he remembered her telling him it was her lucky cup. Apparently so, it survived the last mission without a chip to its delicate feature. He then returned it to the rest of her coffee set. 

Then after a moment he checked the rest of the room and found nothing else out of place. He walked out to go to the airponics bay and get one pink rose for her before she arrived. 

=/\=

Kathryn glanced at her last report and tilted her head back, "computer, time?" 

"1230 hours," it replied. 

She sighed, it was time to go. She stood up, walked over to her bedroom, and pulled out a uniform jacket. She slipped it on and zipped it up. Then gazed around looking for her commbadge. She found it on her nightstand. She walked over and picked it up putting it on. 

"My pips," she said and then found them on her dresser. She added those to her collar and walked back to her desk. She picked up the cane and let her hand get used to the smooth wooden curved support. She found it the right length and practiced with it for a moment and when satisfied, she walked out with it. 

She stood in the lift on the way to the bridge and composed herself ready to show her command ability once again. The lift slowed and the doors slid open, she walked out slowly. Tuvok's replacement acknowledged her. She nodded to him with a smile and then stepped into full view on the upper level. 

Harry saw her and grinned happily, "Captain on the bridge!" 

Everyone else stopped what they were doing and rose to attention turning to her and smiling. Chakotay turned as well with a smile, "at ease everyone-" 

"-Welcome back, Captain," Chakotay said. "We missed you." 

"Thank you, commander," she said gazing at him, letting the pleasure shine in her eyes when looking at him. She then turned to walk the upper level and greeted everyone warmly, she saw Harry, "how are you Harry?" 

"Just fine, ma'am," he said smiling. 

She nodded and slowly stepped down to the portside level, then stepped up to the command level. She made eye contact with Chakotay and smiled softly at him, then sighed, "report, commander?" 

"Repairs are ninety-five percent completed," he replied. "As we speak, crews are outside replacing damaged hull plating and our shields are up to ninety percent status. Sensors are running at maximum efficiency. One repair was just completed, however." 

She gazed at him, "what's that?"

"You," he told her and smiled, "this bridge and crew have missed you this past week Captain, welcome back." 

She was stunned at his candor, but the crew wouldn't think anything of it, at least she hoped they wouldn't. She nodded, "thank you again, Commander Chakotay. It feels good to be back." She walked over and sat down in her chair, feeling it for the first time in a week. It felt good to be back, she put the cane out of the way behind her. He sat down in his chair and glanced at her with a smile. 

She tried not to look at him, afraid he'd see right through her and what she was thinking and feeling. He leaned over to her handing her a padd, "Captain, ship's status report."

She then looked at him, "thank you," and took it activating it. The first line read, dinner tonight? She smirked and gave him a slight nod, then continued reading. 

A half-hour after the current repair reports came through, he asked if she'd like lunch, but declined to continue with the reports. She told him dinner was most appetizing, he nodded and left her for a quick meal. 

When he returned from lunch, she was ready to go into her ready room. He watched her walk over to it carrying a couple of padd's while walking with her cane. 

Kathryn entered her ready room and stopped just inside looking around. The room was neat and nothing was out of place like she expected. She then figured Chakotay leaned up the room during her leave. She walked slowly over to place the padd’s on her desk next to her computer. She felt a mild sharp pain reach up from her back and extend into her right side, she winced touching it. She leaned against the desk massaging the spot and that's when she noticed the pink rose lying there. 

She smiled picking it up, the pain forgotten. She turned looking at it and heard her door chime, she mustered her best command tone and said, "yes, come." The doors slid open and she smiled seeing him enter with another padd. 

"Another repair report-" he told her and the doors slid closed. He stopped and gazed at her, "this room missed you -like the flower?" 

She nodded, "yes I do," he walked over to her. She sighed, "thank you," and he leaned over and kissed her gently. She moaned softly responding and slid an arm around him, he pulled her against him gently. After a moment she looked at him, "Chakotay-“

"-I won't do that often while we're on duty," he told her. "But I couldn't resist, it was very...tempting. And you look wonderful." 

She sighed stroking his arm, "I missed you this morning-“ 

"-Kathryn," he whispered touching her face. "I didn't want to leave this morning, but someone has to run the ship." 

She smirked, "point well taken." She pulled away from him, as much as she hated it and walked around behind her desk and sat down. She sat there in thought, then looked at him, "I'll read these reports and make some of my own. Call me if needed." 

He smiled at her, "yes, Captain," and turned and walked out. 

Captain's Log Stardate 5316.01 

The ship is almost up to full specs since the mission a week ago. Hull plating is currently being replaced as well. Commander Chakotay deserves a commendation while dealing with the ship's repairs with me on medical leave. He has done an excellent job and everything was efficient. It's only my first day back and a half-day, per Doctor's orders. I hope to return to full duty within another day. Captain out. 

Hours later she sat tired, but still somewhat energized from being back at work. The Doctor had already called her once to inform her it was time to stop. She told him she would shortly. She spoke with Tuvok that afternoon and B'Elanna as well. Satisfied that her away team was on the mend, she got up to get a coffee. 

While doing so, her chime rang, "come," she said turning away from the replicator with a hot cup. 

Chakotay walked in with a padd, he smirked, "I've got orders to make you quit." 

She cooled her coffee while gazing at him, "orders?" 

"The Doctor," he replied simply, she frowned. "He just told me he called you close to an hour ago telling you that your shift was over. And if I can't do it, he'll be up here -" 

"-Since when did he become," she asked, "our resident Mother Hen?" 

He shrugged, "since our current one was on leave?" Then smiled. 

She tried not to laugh at his joke, but smiled nonetheless, "very funny!" She sighed, "very well, the last thing I want is our EMH coming up here and dragging me off the bridge.” 

He stepped up to her, "well you must be hungry since you skipped lunch. Dinner must sound good?"

She nodded, "yes it does," she stared up at him wanting to say more, but felt a loss of words. She sighed, "well, how about the messhall tonight?" 

He shrugged, "fine, whatever you wish." 

She put down her coffee and walked over to him, “let me get my cane," her back was aching again, but she refused to acknowledge it, tonight was going to special, she planned on it. 

He watched her, "you look tired Kathryn, but beautiful." 

She smirked, "well, I don't always feel it,” she stood at the upper level steps, he stepped down and offered her his hand. She grasped it and stepped down slowly, then headed over to her desk. She picked up the cane and said, "I spoke with Tuvok and B'Elanna a few hours ago. B'Elanna will do a half shift tomorrow in engineering and Tuvok will be on duty tomorrow morning. 

When she turned to him, she was looking a little pale, but didn't let any pain show. "Well, that's good, it'd be nice to see everyone back to work." 

"Yes it is," she replied. "Oh Chakotay it felt so good to be back here on the bridge again. But I know I can't stay..." she picked up the cane. "Let's go." 

He reached out slowly and tenderly touched her face, she took his hand and kissed it gently. 

"Come on," he told her, his voice soft and deep, his heart beat rapidly at the touch of her lips against his hand. She then hooked her arm with his and they walked out to the lift. 

=/\=

When they arrived in the messhall, Kathryn was greeted warmly by various crewmembers. When Neelix spotted them, he greeted them happily, "Captain! Commander! What a pleasant surprise." 

"Good evening Neelix," she smiled. "What's for dinner?" 

"Some leola root casserole,' he replied, "or plomeek soup." 

"Soup, please," she told him. 

He nodded, "commander?" 

"The casserole," he told him. 

"Well, sit down," Neelix said. "I'll bring it to you." They nodded and Chakotay walked with her over to the nearest table and sat down. A few moments later he came over putting their meals in front of them. 

"Coffee?" 

"Please," she said, he nodded. 

"And tea for you, commander?" he asked. 

"That would be fine," he replied, Neelix then moved away. He said softly, "do I sense special attention here?" 

She smiled wryly, "I didn't ask for it," then gazed around at her crew. "But I don't mind now and then." Neelix returned with her coffee and his tea. 

During the rest of dinner, Kathryn was greeted personally by the rest of the crew that dined or showed up to eat. However, despite it all, her body was aching to be alone with him, and the tension began to build between them. Not one of opposition, but anticipation. 

Once they were finished he walked her to her quarters, along the way he said, "it was nice seeing you among the crew again and I think it did them good." 

She sighed with a smile, "yes, it was wonderful, wasn't it?" 

He nodded, "yes and your more relaxed because of it." 

They stood outside her door, the corridor along it was quiet and empty. She gazed up at him, “would you like to join me for a coffee?" 

He stared at her, searching for whatever she was thinking, in her eyes. They gave no answer, but he knew her well, she let that side show when filled with emotion. He sighed, "coffee sounds good." She nodded and they walked in, "it's nice seeing you relaxed," the doors slid closed quietly. 

She was quiet for a moment and then turned to him, "I feel relaxed." 

He stepped closer to her and her heart began to beat harder, her breathe grew shallow. She tried not to let it show, "and it was nice seeing you on the bridge today." He had stood close to her many times before, but this was the second time it had caused her this much arousal. 

She couldn't speak, there was nothing to say. She then reached out to stroke his chest, but he took her hand instead. He drew it up to his face and kissed it tenderly, she sighed closing her eyes and stepped up against him. Her other hand reached out and she opened her eyes touching his face, tracing his tattoo. 

"Kathryn," he whispered, his skin tingled as his blood began to burn. He sighed, "I love you-" 

"-Chakotay," she said his name softly. 

"You're so beautiful," he said gazing at her and took her face in his hands. "Just so beautiful," then he kissed her gently. She responded wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing her body up against his. He wrapped his arms tighter around her, making the kiss deeper. The passion burned between them, this time he didn't want to stop this. He then kissed her face tenderly, "I want you Kathryn," his hand found the tiny clasp of her zipper. She stared up at him, the passion and desire seen in her eyes. 

“Yes," she said with desire. "Yes, I want you to." He kissed her again, she responded and helped him remove her uniform jacket. He tossed it to the floor and she unzipped his, he shrugged out of it tossing it aside. Then he lifted her into his arms and carried her into the bedroom. 

Once there, he lowered her to the bed gently, then joined her in her arms kissing her deeply again. She felt the ache growing in her back, but wasn't going to stop this to end it. She waited far too long to be in his arms now, there was no turning back. 

Sliding her hands down his strong back she felt each muscle, memorized his body. Her hands found the waistband to his trousers and she pulled out his shirt, slipping her hands beneath. The moment her hands touched his feverish skin, he gasped. 

Kathryn felt his weight against her, as he pressed her into the mattress. She helped him remove the shirt and kissed his bare shoulder and throat. He then rolled her over onto him kissing her face and sliding his hands down her. His hands stroked her breasts and she arched against him with a moan of desire. He pulled her shirt out of her trousers and lifted it over her head tossing it to the floor. Her pale skin shone against the stars and the illumination of the room lights, which were on dim. She stared down at him, he slid his hands up her smooth back and found the clasp to her bra and unhooked it. 

She ran her fingers through his hair, he reached up kissing her throat and she tilted back her head. He rolled her over onto her back and began to kiss slowly down her. She lay there and felt him remove her bra and groaned when he kissed a breast, cupping it and taking a risen bud in his mouth. He savored each one to such an extreme she shuddered in the pleasure of it and held his head. 

"You're so wonderful," she moaned. He was kissing lower now, his finger unfastened her trousers at the hip and drew the zipper down. Then he pulled away, kneeling beside her, she stared up at him, exposed, but not ashamed. He then took her boots off, stood up and took his. 

"Kathryn," he whispered, his heart swelled with his love for her. “You're so beautiful-" he leaned over and kissed her abdomen and hooked his fingers with her waistband and began sliding her trousers off. He kissed the small roundness of her stomach and she maneuvered her legs out of them. He then unfastened his own and stood up and removed them. He then joined her in his arms, only in his gray boxers, but his need for her was pressed tight against them, pressing up on her lower abdomen. He kissed her deeply again, she wrapped her arms around him, her fingers stroking the sides of his face. Then he looked down at her, “I don't think we should do this Kathryn." 

"Chakotay please," she whispered taking his face in her hands. "I want this-" 

He kissed her gently, "-your still recovering, as much as I want you-" 

"-Chakotay!" she said, "I love you! I've always loved you, but I've been too scared to act on it with protocol in the way. Since my time on the cube...I'm not scared anymore. Make love to me, please." 

He stroked her face tenderly, "are you sure? You realize this'll change things?" 

She nodded, "yes, but only in our quarters. Outside you take orders from me.”

He smiled with a nod, "I figured that," then let the passion take him and kissed her again deeply and passionately. 

She responded as the passion built again and he slid his hands down her sides caressing gently. She felt his hand slide between her legs and into her panties. She gasped when he stroked her womanhood, which was damp from her desire. His fingers were gentle, as they stroked and her legs parted a little, enough for him to slide them into her. 

She cried out as the pleasure coursed through her, he kissed her throat and slowly worked down her, stroking her gently. He kissed each part of her and then removed her panties, and placed his mouth down on her. She groaned gripping her bedcovers arching her back as her legs parted for him. 

She was sweet as he explored her, her body shuddered again. She was ready for him, she cried out to him. He soon couldn't take it himself and he slid up against her kissing her again, her hands slid down to his boxers and pulled them down. He kicked them off, her legs slid around his hips, his hardness pressed against her womanhood, he thought he'd explode if he didn't take her soon. 

"I love you," she whispered. 

"I love you," he replied softly as they stared at each other. 

He kissed her again and adjusted himself then began to slowly join them, she gasped clinging to tightly to him. "Slowly," she whispered, “it's been awhile," he did as told as he joined them gentler and deeper. She was so tight and perfect as her body surrounded him, he groaned as the warmth pulsated through them. He then moved slowly against her, almost withdrawing, then bringing them together again. Soon she was groaning beneath him and she guided his hips as he began to increase the strokes. 

"Kathryn, my Kathryn," he groaned as the pleasure coursed through him. "I love you so much! I've waited for this." 

She gasped and kissed him again and arched her hips against him. He held them and moved deeper into her. The pleasure built in her, then fell and built again. She wrapped her legs higher around his waist and cried out as her body shuddered deeply within. 

"Don't stop!" she cried out. "You’re so wonderful Chak-otay" 

"Never," he whispered in the passion and began to increase the strokes. "What do you want?" 

Her senses were overwhelmed, as his lovemaking was ready to drive her over the edge. No man had ever made her feel this way, not even Mark. Their passion never came close to this. They were now bonded in hearts, souls and bodies. He continued to move in her, but was holding back for her, so they could experience it all together. 

"Oh my god!" she moaned, she concentrated on his strokes. Then said, "harder," he did and she cried out. "More, please!" He did even more and groaned burying his face in her hair and neck. She clung to him tightly and he began to move faster now and felt her body shudder so violently she gave a small scream. 

He felt her release and then felt his and cried out embracing her tightly as his life spilled into her. They gasped in the afterglow catching their breath clinging tightly to each other, his hips slowed against her and her legs lowered back down, entwining them with his. He kissed her face and then her tenderly stroking her hair. He then looked at her, she reached up stroking his face and tracing his tattoo delicately.

"I love you," he whispered. "So much Kathryn."

"I love you Chakotay," she said softly, he then rolled beside her taking her in his arms. As they laid there quietly he stroked from her shoulder to her hand and slowly she mirrored his hand, their palms pressing against each others, then their fingers lacing together, mimicking that night on New Earth almost four years before. He kissed her forehead and she felt the ache return, but it was a little sharper now and she winced. 

He noticed, "you okay?" he asked gently. 

She nodded, "yes, just my lower back hurts some." 

He sighed, "perhaps this was a bad idea -" 

She then looked up at him touching his face shaking her head, "-no it wasn't. Don't blame yourself, my back has been hurting like this for two days now." 

"Does the Doctor know?" 

She nodded, "yes, but he thinks it's just a muscle spasm." 

"Well, we're not exactly," he said, "comfortable here." He slowly pulled away from her and she lay there in the illumination beautiful and naked. He pulled down her bedcovers, she slid in and he did beside her, taking her in his arms. His hand slid down to the area in her back and began to massage gently. "How's this?" 

She groaned pressing herself against him, resting her head on his shoulder. "Yes, that feels wonderful." His ministrations continued and she reached up stroking his face, he stared down at her. "I never thought this would happen, but I realized this morning how much I loved you."

"I've known since New Earth," he told her, "but I always hoped you'd come around." 

"Did you?" she asked with a quiet laugh. She sighed stroking his chest, "I'm so sorry for not responding sooner." 

He then wrapped his arms around her looking down at her. "Don't be,” he told her tenderly, "you've had so much to deal and reason with. Commanding a starship isn't easy and the decision you made for us to be together took a lot of thought for you to allow this. But Kathryn, we can't turn back the clock now, our relationship takes off from here." 

She touched his chin, "I know and I've accepted it." She stared up at him in the dim lit room and stroked his face tenderly. "I don't know what I would have done without someone like you these past seven years-" 

"-You would have survived," he told her. He kissed her gently, she responded and felt his body grow warmer against her. He began to kiss her face gently, "I love you so much,” and then worked down her throat, she tilted back her head. 

"I love you," she whispered closing her eyes, the tenderness surrounded them and she felt him become hard alongside her thigh. "Chakotay make love to me again, please." 

"Whatever you want," he moaned and kissed her deeply and gently again. He rolled her over onto him and brushed her hair out of his face as it cascaded around him. She slid her legs around his hips and then sat up caressing his chest, they stared at each other. 

He then sat up kissing her throat and cupped her breasts gently, his thumbs stroking her buds to peaks and she groaned. He kissed down taking one in his mouth and she held his head arching her back. He slid his hands down her back supporting her as he savored each breast. He then lowered her back down to the bed. 

She felt such love and ecstasy with him, as he was a skilled and attentive lover. She didn't want him to stop, her love for him overtook her senses and all she wanted to do was be in his arms forever. He hand slid around to her abdomen when he slid his fingers into her gently and probed until she was crying out in the pleasure. He felt her shudder from within and then he kissed the soft swell of her abdomen while still exploring her. 

She gripped the bedcovers arching her back to him and groaned when he began to explore her with his mouth. He continued to explore every intimate part of her until her body was shuddering from the pleasure coursing through her. 

As he explored her, she became ready for him and her cries of pleasure increased his need for her. He soon couldn't take much more himself, he then joined her in her arms kissing her deeply, the taste of her intermingled between them. 

Kathryn's desire and passion for him took over by that point. She rolled him over onto his back kissing his chest and caressing him for the first time. He lay there and groaned when she took his hard member in her hands and began to caress gently. 

"Kathryn!" he groaned in the pleasure. 

"Let me," she said in the desire as she explored him and felt his body tremble. The heat radiating from him made her want him even more. She then slid up against him kissing him again, he responded and sat up holding her tightly. He held her hips and she rose slightly above him and both groaned in the pleasure as she lowered herself down onto him, he joined them deeply, his full length resting within her. 

He took her face in his hands, stroking her cheeks, "Kathryn," he breathed, "we fit, we belong together. Can you tell?" 

"Yes," she whispered and kissed him. "I love you Chakotay," and groaned when he moved his hips up against hers and she moved hers down. They wrapped their arms around each other and began to rock gently, she kissed his shoulder clinging to him as he ran his hands through her hair. They kissed deeply again as the passion surrounded them. 

"You’re so beautiful!" he whispered. "I love you so much." 

She strained her hips against his, "I love you!" She moved her hips slowly against his, her body shuddered in the pleasure and she began to increase the strokes. He moaned feeling her increase the movement. 

He cupped her breasts caressing them and kissed her throat. They groaned in the continuing pleasure when she began to move harder against him. "Kathryn...let me!" He lowered her back down and held her hips beginning to move harder into her until her cries filled the cabin. Tears formed in her eyes as her love for him swelled around them. 

As he moved against her, her body shuddered repeatedly, each time more intense. When the final one came, the power of it shook her so violently and traveled to each of her nerve endings, she arched her back with a scream embracing him tightly, the tears spilling down her face. 

He felt her muscles clench around him tightly and heard her scream, he groaned himself feeling his release as he poured his life into her for the second time that evening. 

They lay in each other's arms gasping, trying to catch their breath. He kissed her neck and then her gently as she responded. He then kissed her eyes closed and sighed, "I love you Kathryn." 

"I love you Chakotay,” she whispered, “and that was incredible to say the least." 

He smiled at her with a nod, "it was beautiful and incredible," he lay beside her taking her in his arms. She curled beside him, entwining a leg with his, he managed to pull a blanket over them, now tired and realizing his duty shift was going to be rolling around in a few short hours. He sighed and she smiled stroking his chest. "I hate to be a downer, but I have to be up for duty early."

She sighed, "no, you don't –“ he glanced at her. "Gamma shift starts tomorrow, remember? So tomorrow you’re on the bridge at 1400 hours, perhaps I'll go with you." 

He squeezed her gently, "that would be nice." He yawned, "Goodnight Kathryn." 

"Goodnight Chakotay," she whispered closing her eyes and they slept in the warmth of each other's arms. 

That next morning they both stirred quietly and he kissed her gently as her blue eyes opened staring into his dark brown. He sighed, "are you hungry?" 

She traced his mouth with her finger and nodded, "yes, a little." 

"I'm starved," he said and she smiled kissing him deeply. They held each other and she tilted back her head when he kissed her throat. "Know what? I never realized what a beautiful body you have, your uniform hid it all." 

She laughed, "oh, I know!" He chuckled and they kissed deeply again. His hands were caressing her, sending her into more pleasure. She wanted him again, but she asked what she dreaded, "computer -" and gasped when he cupped her breasts stroking them. "Time please!" 

"1000 hours," it said. 

She nodded with a sigh and then realized the Doctor was due by shortly for her final check-up. She wished it wasn't the case, since making love right before duty was tempting. She groaned when she felt his hand stray down to her area, her legs parted for him. She sighed feeling him, "Chak-o-tay! We've got to...stop!" 

"Why?" he asked her kissing her collarbone. 

She gently took his face in her hands stroking it and looking at him. "The Doctor is due here soon for my last check-up." 

He stared at her, then sighed burying his face in her neck knowing both didn't want him caught in her quarters like this. He looked at her, "and I wanted to make love to you again." 

She smiled, "I know, so did I." 

"I'd better shower and leave," he said. "But breakfast is still an option. I'll be back and maybe the Doc will have come and gone." 

"Sounds wonderful," she said, he kissed her gently and they embraced each other. After a moment he pulled away from her slipping out from beneath the blanket. She propped herself up on her elbow gazing at him as he walked around her bed picking up his clothes. "You’re really beautiful yourself." 

He stopped and looked over at her and smiled, "thanks. I'll be right back," and went into her bathroom. 

Kathryn rolled over onto her back staring up at the ceiling. She noticed the ache had returned again, but with a vengeance, it seemed. It was sharper and she closed her eyes trying not to focus on the pain. A few minutes later he came out dressed in his boxers and tee shirt. He picked up his uniform trousers and pulled them on fastening them, then picked up his boots pulling each of them on as well. 

He noticed she was quiet and he turned to her, "Kathryn?" She stared over at him, her face looked odd. "You okay?" 

She didn't want him to worry, she planned to contact the Doctor after he left. She smiled softly, "I'm fine," and then sat up slowly, the pain shot sharply through her back and into her right side, she tried not to cry out, but did. 

He went over to her knowing something was wrong, "Kathryn you’re not alright." 

She sighed as he wrapped his arms around her, she held him, then sighed, "Chakotay I'm fine. Please just hand me my robe," he gazed at her. She attempted a smile, "perhaps our lovemaking last night caused me to pull a muscle." 

He tried to smile at her humor, but couldn't, "I don't like it, but alright. I'll be back in an hour or so." She nodded and he got up, walked out in her living area, and found his uniform jacket. He checked for wrinkles, there weren't any, so he slipped it on and zipped it up halfway. He walked back into her bedroom, saw her robe and handed it to her. "I'll see you soon," he kissed her tenderly and left. 

Kathryn sat in the silence of her cabin, his scent still in the air. She sighed putting her head on her knees as the pain didn't subside. She then took her robe pulling it on and figured a warm shower would relax her and make her feel better. 

She stood up, wrapped the robe around her nude body, and saw her clothes all over the floor. She sighed and bent over slowly picking them up. She put her boots over to the side and walked slowly towards the bathroom. She dropped the pile in a rarely used armchair across from the bed and proceeded to take a shower. 

=/\=

Chakotay managed to leave Kathryn's quarters without being seen. He walked down to his and smiled at a crewmember. He entered his and walked over to his portal gazing out, his mind on their first time together. His body yearned for hers, but he worried about her, she didn't look good this morning. He sat down at his desk and tapped the record button: 

First Officer's Personal Log Stardate 53916.02   
Last night with Kathryn was memorable, more memorable than I ever imagined. We fit - we belong together, I know it now, I feel it throughout my whole body. She does to. But she's still not recovered, she's not looking well this morning. Something is wrong, but I don't know what, her backache might have something to do with it. 

He paused with a sigh, and then continued, "I'll be with her forever if I could. If and when we return home, if Starfleet deals with my Maquis past, I hope they won't keep us apart for long. God help me, I love her with my entire heart and soul..." he sighed in thought, then said, "log out." 

He sat in silence thinking of her. 

"Kathryn," he whispered. 

=/\=

The shower only helped a little. Kathryn managed to finish and towel off. The pain was slowly getting worse and she wondered how much longer she could take. Tears built up in her eyes and a sob escaped, she dressed into some clean underwear, leaving her hair damp, limped out into her bedroom tying the robe around her. She then lay on the bed curled onto her side, she then said wincing, “computer, locate the EMH." 

"The EMH is presently in Section 20," it replied. "Deck 3." 

She groaned, he was on his way and fairly close. A moment later her door chime rang, “come in!" she called. 

She heard the doors slide open and heard, "Captain Janeway?"

"In here Doctor," she said and whimpered. 

He headed in and saw her on the bed, concerned he said, "Captain you don't look well –“ he pulled out his tricorder and began scanning. During this he noticed her messy bedcovers, but chose to ignore it. "Where does it hurt?" 

"My back," she whimpered, "its excruciating!”

He then noticed something and adjusted his scanner and then started again. The problem showed itself. "I've got to get you to sickbay-“

"-What? Why?" she asked.

"Your problem is coming from an implant,” he replied. “It apparently has attached itself onto a nerve alongside your spinal column and part of the cord. I need to surgically remove it.” 

"Fine,” she said through gritted teeth. 

"Can you stand?” he asked her, she nodded and he helped her sit up and stand. He noticed her damp hair and just lack of clothing, apparently the pain started earlier. He tapped his commbadge, "Doctor to Chakotay.” 

"Chakotay here Doctor," he replied. 

"I'm taking the Captain to sickbay," he said. “She needs an implant removed." 

There was a pause, then, "I’m in my quarters," he said, concern heard in his tone. "I'll be right there."

"Actually that not a bad idea," the Doctor said. He noticed Kathryn was starting to look disorientated. He wrapped an arm around her waist holding her up. A moment later her cabin doors slid open, "good Commander, she's wilting." 

Chakotay's heart rushed as he saw his beautiful lover ready to collapse. He tried to remain calm and rushed over to them. “Kathryn?” he said gently. 

She lifted her head, the pain had traveled up her spine and to the base of her neck. She whimpered, "Chakotay -" and pitched forward into his arms unconscious. He picked her up, cradling her gently. 

"An implant?" he asked the Doctor, now relieved that their lovemaking hadn't caused this. "How?" 

"I don't know," the Doctor said. "But I've got to remove it right away." 

He nodded, "computer, a site to site transport of myself, Captain Janeway and the EMH to sickbay." He felt them dematerialize. 

=/\=

When they arrived in sickbay, he carried her over to the main biobed and laid her down, the Doctor activated the clamshell arms and they rose out of the sides and connected over her unconscious form. At that moment, the Doctor informed him exactly of the problem. Once done he picked up a hypo. 

While preparing the hypo, he said, "Doctor to Seven." 

"Yes, Doctor?" she asked. 

"Please come to sickbay," he asked her. "I need your help with Captain Janeway immediately." 

"On my way, Doctor," she told him coolly. 

During this, Chakotay stood besides her, stroking her damp hair gently. She moaned softly and opened her eyes slowly. He smiled down at her and said gently, "you're in sickbay. The Doc and Seven will handle everything." 

"I know," she whispered and smiled a little up at him. 

The Doctor came over on the other side with a hypo, "welcome back Captain," he said gently. "Seven is on her way, but I need to sedate you now." 

She nodded, "that's fine...Doctor." He administered it, and then stepped away. She looked up at Chakotay, "will you be here when I wake up this time?" 

He stroked the side of her face and nodded, "yes. I promise." 

She took his hand, the sedative was taking effect, and her eyes drooped a little. "Chakotay last-" 

He touched his finger to her mouth quieting her and said softly, "I know, it was." He whispered, "I love you Kathryn." She smiled and her eyes closed. He pulled away and walked over to the Doctor, "call me right before she wakes and keep me informed what you’re doing." 

He nodded, "of coarse Commander." 

"I'll be on the bridge," he said and the doors slid open, Seven walked in. "Seven," he said and walked out. 

Immediately Seven and the Doctor went to work. 

=/\=

While emergency surgery was being performed on Kathryn, he went up to the bridge. He found Tuvok back at tactical and stepped up beside him. He said quietly, "the captain is back in sickbay." 

Tuvok looked at him and said in the same tone, "may I ask why Commander?" 

He sighed, "an implant began regenerating and attached itself to one of her spinal nerves and cord. She was in agony. Seven is assisting him." 

"Her progress?" Tuvok asked. 

Chakotay sighed, "don't know, the Doctor will call when he's done." 

Tuvok nodded noting the concern in the commander's eyes and face. "I believe Captain Janeway will recover fully."

"I know she will," he said, then, "how are you Tuvok?"

"I am fine, commander," he replied. "Your concern is noted." 

Chakotay nodded, "welcome back," he said and stepped down to the command platform. He said, "open a shipwide channel Harry." 

"Done, sir," Harry said from Ops. 

"This is Commander Chakotay," he said. "Captain Janeway has been taken ill and is back on medical leave. She is currently in the Doctors care. All concerns will be brought to me. Bridge out." Then he sat down in his chair with a sigh, he couldn't help but glance at her empty one. He tried to focus on ship's business, but couldn't until she had finished surgery.

=/\=

Throughout the surgery, the Doctor and Seven removed the problem implant and found several others showing regeneration. They also removed dormant ones as well for safety sake. 

Hours later Kathryn lay under a thermal blanket in a deep sleep. Seven had returned to astrometrics and the Doctor to his office to analyze the remaining implants he extracted from her. 

He monitored her closely before calling Chakotay down to sickbay. Neelix entered sickbay, he saw Kathryn asleep on the main biobed. He stepped into the office, "excuse me, Doctor?" 

The Doctor glanced up, "ah -yes Mr. Neelix?" 

"How's the captain?" he asked. 

"She's fine," he replied simply. "A few dormant implants decided to regenerate and give her a little pain. Seven and I managed to remove the rest of them safely. She's resting comfortably and will probably be back to duty in a day or two." 

Neelix nodded, "that's good to know." 

The Doctor stared at him, "Mr. Neelix anything else?" 

"Ummm..." Neelix said, then, "I don't know if I should say anything. But Commander Chakotay has been a little distant today." 

"Well, of course he is," the Doctor said. "He is the first officer and the captain's close friend. It only makes sense." 

"Of course," Neelix said, then sighed, "excuse me," and he left. 

The Doctor sat quietly, he didn't want to confirm Neelix's suspicions, even though he knew that both the captain and commander had consummated their relationship the night before. His DNA was discovered in her body in his initial scans right before surgery. He figured it was their business and not the crews. If both wanted the crew to know, they would make a formal announcement. 

=/\=

Shortly before Gamma shift ended, Chakotay sat on the bridge reading a report. The last of the hull plating was finally replaced and repairs were finished. He had Tom plot another course for the Alpha Quadrant and waited until he would hear from the Doctor. 

Seven had informed him that Kathryn had come through surgery fine. After a two-day leave, she would be back to duty. He thanked her and relieved that she was okay. 

His comm unit chirped, "sickbay to Chakotay." 

"Chakotay here," he said. 

"Please report to sickbay," the Doctor said. 

"On my way Doctor," he said and stood up. "I'll be in sickbay. Tom take the bridge until the shift change." 

"Yes, sir," he replied and Chakotay left. 

=/\=

When he arrived, the Doctor informed him of her recovery and what he did to remove the implants. He told him she would be ready to leave sickbay in the morning. They walked over to her and the Doctor put a hypo to her and gave her a mild stimulant, a moment later her eyes fluttered open and Chakotay took her hand in his. 

"Welcome back, Captain," the Doctor said gently. "Surgery was a success. You'll be going back to your quarters in the morning to rest up for a day or two." She nodded, still groggy from the sedative. 

Chakotay glanced at him, "Doctor if you'll excuse us?" 

The Doctor stared at them, and then nodded, "of course. Computer, deactivate EMH," and he disappeared leaving them alone. 

Chakotay leaned over her stroking her now dry hair. He smiled at her, "you’re going to be fine now." 

She sighed staring up at him, "Chak-o-tay," and swallowed. "What time-?" 

"Almost 2100 hours," he told her, she nodded. "The Doctor wanted to monitor you for awhile after surgery." He leaned closer and tenderly kissed her, she responded lightly. He then stroked her face and stared at her, "last night was so beautiful and wonderful Kathryn. I love you so much." 

"I love you," she whispered gripping his hand. She then smiled a little, "but of course you know flattery will get you nowhere." 

He then grinned at her with a chuckle and stroked her face, then kissed her again. 

END 

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End file.
